Sunday, October 19, 2014

FUCK YOU

It's been ages since I last talked to you. While it's true that I have been busy with life, I really did avoid even thinking of you until last night when I was at a dinner party. People who knew me from you started asking me questions as to why I stopped talking to you and I couldn't really shake off the conversation which put me in a hot spot. You see, after you became a book, you became bigger than me. I did anticipate that it may happen, however what I wasn't expecting is reaction...I wasn't prepared to be the poster boy for "POSITIVITY" and "INSPIRATION" there are ALOT of RESPONSIBILITIES riding on my back at that time which I really did not want to and need. I just wanted to have fun and play! And then weeks became months, months became a years and before I know it, I'm fucking 30 years old and my priorities has changed but still, I refuse to acknowledge you. I guess a part of me wanted to erase those dark years of my life because finally, I was able to achieve being the average joe. So here I am again...This time, there are no dark stories to tell, no lesson learned. But all I have to say for now, is that I'm doing ok. It took allot for me to be ok and I guess I'd also want to say THANK YOU for being there when I had nobody to turn to...You became my fucking outlet for me to be able to achieve stuff that I didn't dream that would be possible in this lifetime. Without you, I wouldn't have met these wonderful people who I still call friends until now. I'm glad that nobody gets to read you now...I really am glad :) At least now, I can again call you my friend. Till next time! I'll be keeping in touch!

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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Pre 28!!!

I just woke up from an afternoon nap feeling energized and (oddly) happy :-) For the past 2-3 weeks I have been unhappy-not depress or sad, just unhappy, but thanks God, I'm starting to feel like me again :-)

I will be turning a year older in a couple of days and I can't help but realize how lucky I am...Really, I am truly lucky! I think me being kicked out of the house opened a whole new opportunity for me. At least now, I have a job- a modest job. I say modest, because my monthly salary is like half of what I am used to getting (sometimes less than half of what I used to get) but alas! It keeps me afloat and it will pay the bills so I'm thankful for this work.

Hubby and I are now settled in on our new apartment. We just need a few more stuff then we can start calling it home :-) So far, so good-I'm not being haunted by anyone (or anything). The neighborhood is great-No fucking stray dogs and cats roaming around the street. Yes, I am not an animal person (duh!) You see, cats and dogs requires constant supervision, which means, it need to be inside a cage or on a leash, plus, they shit and piss alot. I hate-hate-hate dog poop as much as I hate cat piss. Good thing that my land lord share the same sentiments when it comes to animals.

I'm also lucky to have good friends :-) I may not see them as often as I wanted to, but I keep in touch with them on a daily basis. My friends are my family now, and they keep me sane.

So i guess this is it for now...Will read a book and hopefully get some more sleep.

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Saturday, February 4, 2012

update

is currently busy with life...quick update: moving to a new home :-) a place where i don't have to deal with a wicked bitch and her ugly,equally venomous lesbian lover. Yes! I'm talking about my mother (fucker), since she clearly chose her lesbian old hag over me then I have considered her dead. I hope she does the same to me. I have no plans seeing her in the near or far future-not even her shadow. I just don't want anything to with her and her lesbian bitch. I don't really want to talk about her since she is no longer important.

I am currently experiencing hardship. Hardship because of all the drama in my life. Financially not doing well but I know this is just a phase. I am getting by thanks to wonderful friends. Thank God for A, A's family, Kane, Niks, G and a few others who is helping me maintain my sanity. THANK GOD for giving me such a wonderful support system. Grabe! As in without these people with me, I don't know where I'll be. They are now my family--my home.

I'm at a scary phase of my life at the moment. Too many things has changed which made me lose sleep, kept me anxious and at the edge which made my skin breakout :-( thats the real tragedy---my face has now acne and acne marks. I mean, WHY!!! WHY AT THE LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE!!! WHYYYYYYY????!!!

Like a pimple, I know all the drama, the stress, the depression, the scary feeling of standing on my own--all these are just temporary. However, just like a fucking pimple, when I overcome these things, i know it will leave a mark. I hope in this trying times I won'tlose the site of where I wanna be and in the end, I get out of this a winner--or at least a better person.

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Saturday, January 21, 2012

?!?!?


Change is something, that I never really liked. For the past 28 years-I have always thought of myself as someone who'd just sail through life. There were alot of ups and downs but there has always been something that remained as it is...until now. I have been through a lot of deep shit, lost alot of battles, failed countless of times and rejected- During those trying times, I have felt defeat, lost and weary but there is always something to look forward to that I know deep down If I could just hibernate for while-take a breather then I'm up for the next challenge of this so called fucking life.

2012, the blue pill has worn off its effect. No more escaping from what is infront of me. Now, I say good bye to a life I thought I had and say hello to reality. Now, I pay for the consequences for the years of not taking responsibility. The time has come for me to jump off the boat and swim in the icy cold waters of adulthood. Am I ready? I have to say YES, but deep down, I'm not okay but I have to do this. This is the perfect timing to REALLY move on to the next chapter of my life. I know it's going to be tough, I know it will make me want to put a bullet in my brain but fuck! This is what I have to do...Come to think of it, THIS IS WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE YEARS AGO!

I look around me and I realize, I am being left behind...Not that I compare myself to others but surely who'd want to be left behind? I shouldn't be catching up-but I should be keeping up. I am saying goodbye to the life I though I once have and say hello to the life WANT to have. Everybody should start from the beginning, sad to say--it is only now that I am really starting. I hope I am not too late. I'm just hoping that at the end, I come out of this a better, stronger person.

The Start of this year wasn't the best but I'm wishing that the ending of this year wouldn't the same. In this trying times, It is hard to see whats infront of you--but now I just realized, I am thankful that I have a wonderful partner who may not be as vocal as he wants to be, but is quietly routing for me--for us. He is my family right now. He is my home. For that I thank God for giving me 1 person to be on my side.

This morning, I attended a surprise party for my Aunt. I couldn't help but feel emotional when she saw all her friends and family in one room cheering for her. It was her first time to ever experience a surprise party. I felt love in the air and I couldn't help but feel jealous...Not of her-but my cousins (her daughters and son). Why can't she be mom? I am not saying I am the perfect son, and I know people are rolling their eyes thinking "How could you ask for such a thing?!" But believe me, it is also true that kids never asked to be born---they were pre-assigned to their parents. Had I known when I was fetus, I would have grabbed that umbilical cord and tied it around my neck.

We were never asked to be born but here we are and we make the most of it. Some are destined for greatness, and some are just...well...destined. Have you seen that coke comercial? "Hanapin mo magpapasaya sayo?" Thats alot of bull crap. For the past 28 years I have lived with that premis and take a look at me now? I am not saying I'm all bad....I don't know, I really can't say! I guess in the end-thats where we get measured.

I'm suppose to say something profound and enlightening but I'm lost for words. All I can think of is FUCK!!!! SAVE ME!!! FAST FORWARD TO 2013 or the end of the world. I know I'll be fine. Thats the funny part of being human...We adapt to our environment...Thats what we have been doing since the beginning of time. Of course someday I'll think of this very moment and laugh it off-but its the process of getting to be okay is whats killing me...That plus the fact that when that faithful day arrives....Will be laughing at the side of a street corner covered in grease almost naked and insane? or will I be laughing it off at the roof top of my penthouse overlooking all my slaves worshiping me? SEE!!! I'm almost delusional already lolz.

One of my strengths is that I can read people. I am quick to analyze and make snap decisions turn into reality. Unfortunately, my situation right now, I can only make assumptions. I guess, its time to lay off the blue pill...time to sober up, put on your best fighting face even if you feel you can't do it and just charge! At the end, some will die, some will conquer but all did try their best.

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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

RANT before Xmas

If there's one thing i hate it's grown-ass-men acting like a mother fucking high kids. I'm not saying I'm mature-but I maybe on my kindda late twenties but I act a little below my age (because thats how I feel like). I never really did like kids...You see, I grew up even before I hit puberty, growing up-I never had friends who are the same age as I am. They were always older. Sad to say, until this day, I have very limited interaction with people the same age as I am and even younger.

I don't know why? but I always find it hard to uhhh interact? Anyway, thats another issue and another rant but for now lets get back as to why I am irritated. It all started last Saturday, what was suppose to be a FUN-HAPPY-Saturday night turned into a night of bull shit drama!

Kane and I was invited to Mcvie's party last Saturday. We already agreed to merge our entourage into 1 big group once we get to the venue and then at 3am we hit our favorite spot in the metro to meet with ou other friends. Part of my entourage, I have my live-in partner Arcee, a dear friend G, a neophyte T and my ex M. Yes, I am good friends with my ex. We fooled and cheated with each other for three fucking years so It's just normal that we became..uhh sisters after the non-official break up (thats another story).

HENIWAYZ, As usual, Kane was late but two of his entourage wasn't, so 2 of his mates joined our group. We got to the venue around 12:50am which I think is just the right time. Like a chump, I only know 4 people in that party. I said my hellos and introduced my friends. We were greeted by hot guys wearing fishnets and gave us shots of Soju.

Our group kept to ourselves cause it seemed like people were in groups and nobody was talking to us except for one (Merc). We managed to have fun, we had bottles of booze and we were happy. I could see Arcee touching the waiters crotch and then wiping his hand on G's face while they laughed about it. My neophyte T was taking it all in, though he was quiet as a dead cockroach on a corner-he was having fun just looking at us. M on the other hand, flirted with Merc and after awhile, he was having a concert on the videoke which was cool.

A Little later, Kane finally arrived and another friend of mine dropped by. At this hour, we were on Party mode. HECK! I WAS ON PARTY MODE. People were getting wasted but I managed to keep myself sober since I know we were going to our spot after the party. At the corner of my eye, I could see my M making out with my friend who just arrived. Arcee was making out with Kanes friend and it was just hot to look at! I just had to join in and engage on a 3way make out session.

When we were about to leave and go to our next stop, I went to the loo to take a piss and voila who do I see puking and making a complete ass of himself? No other than my ex M. Since I'm such a good friend, I went over to see if he's alright. Also, I was hoping that he puke all the alcohol in his system because I didn't want him to sabotage our next stop over. And what do you know! The mother fucker is crying! I MEAN WTF! I asked him, "Why are you crying?" and then he said "Hindi kasi ako pinapansin ni G" At that moment of time, I wanted to put his head inside the toilet and then flush it. But instead, I did what I thought was right at that moment-ignore what he just said.

A little back track...M likes G, G on the other hand likes M but just got out of a 4 year relationship and haven't even moved on yet. He is not ready to commit nor he wants to.

So back on to my story, I asked M to pull himself together which he did half-assed. We said our goodbyes and thanks to everyone and headed to the car. Because of M's condition, I was fucking out numbered! They decided, to go grab something to eat then head home. Yes, at that point I was DEVASTATED! I was beginning to have fun! Arcee tried to calm me down by saying "its already 4am anyway" and I was like "We always go to that spot 3 or 4am and we leave the place when the sun is already rising but I don't hear anyone complain?!"

So anyway, M was drunk pretending to sleep and I know he could hear me rant and I wanted him to hear it. Finally we stopped over this joint to grab something to eat. We asked M if he wanted to eat? He just shrugged. "Pabayaan nyo na yan jan. patulugin nyo na lang kung ayaw" I told G and we got out to eat inside the establishment.

Once inside, I said Why not go to the next party and leave M inside the car? I said jokingly but it was half meant...I mean seriously. Kane, A, V and I at one point got super fucking wasted and drugged! To the point where Kane and V to the point of black out! I WAS FUCKING HALF DEAD ON THE STREETs of Ortigas and Malate but I still managed to get home all by self in one fucking piece! SUCK IT UP! Thats the number one party rule. WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR ALCOHOL/DRUG INTAKE. If we don't want to get too wasted, then moderately. Its so fucking easy! We don't blame our friends for the free drinks, we don't blame peer pressure since we are all fucking adults and we are are responsible for our own body.

We got back in the car and we decided to drop M off since he was "wasted". On our way to his place he woke up.

M: Baba nako ng kotche

G: Ihahatid ka na namin

M: Dito na lang ako gusto ko na bumababa sabi e

ME: Itabi mo na na G ibaba mo na

G: On the way na naman, ihatid ka na lang namin di ba lasing ka

M: Ititigil ba ung kotche o tatalon ako palabas?

ME: Itigil mo na G, pabayaan mo na sha kung gusto nya matanda na yan.

and then he went out of the car. At this point I was RAVING MAD!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS HIS PROBLEM PULLING A HIGHSCHOOL DRAMA ON US!! He was mad because G allegedly ignored him?!? MAy I fucking remind you that he was practically busy having a fucking concert and sucking someone face while holding a bottle of booze. If his mout wasn't infront of the mic, it was interlocked with someone else's. So the "hindi kasi ako pinapansin ni G" reason is BULL CRAP! And 2 Saturdays ago was no different either! We were in our usual hang out place and he was making out left and right infront of G's face but G was fine with it...it wasn't like they were dating or anything. Now why all of a suddent this became a fucking issue! GROW FUCKING UP! No one is buying your bull shit. I MISSED MY LAST STOP OF THE NIGHT BECAUSE OF YOUR BULL SHIT DRAMA YOU SELFISH, ASSHOLE! And also, G is not buying that he is drunk either. We partied harder than that night before but M never got drunk-passed out, acted like a bitch and he still manages to drive! Trying to blame it on the alcohol is the oldest fucking trick on the book...Thats the excuse pregnant HighSchool bitches say.

According to our brainstorming session as to why, he was acting like that all of a sudden is because, he felt guilty for making out infront of G and the worst part is G doesn't care. G was having a good time at the party, he never doesn't even care if M had sex with someone infront of him. To make things more interesting, he kept calling and texting all three of us! And he even thought that I would understand why he was acting out!?! Do I look like a moron? I am a good friend but if theres anything I don't tolerate it's bullshit drama! And why oh why is he in a fucking hurry to get out of the car then all of a sudden he wants to talk and would even commute just to explain and air out?! BABAE KA TEH?

Anyway, we all decided to give him the silent treatment for now but ofcourse, he is our friend and eventually we will talk to him and hang out with him but he needs to learn his lesson. If he wants to still be running with the pop girls then better keep up cause we don't slow down for nobody.

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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Like a FLy on HOt Fresh Shit


One horny day back 2010, horny E was online browsing through the largest, most user friendly gay social networking there is----FACEBOOK!!!

"nope, done, done, nope, maybe...,nope.Ah!!! there you go!" (me browsing/shopping at my friends friends list)

***add as friend, poke***

after 5mins "**** has accepted your friend request"

I clicked on chat and saw him online. Perfect! I clicked on his name to pop out the chat box.

ME: hi!

***: hey

ME: sex

***: kelan?

ME: ngayon na

***: loc?

ME: sa ____

***: Number?

ME: 09----------

***: ligo lang tapos alis nako text sa directions

ME: k

Nice, its exactly what I wanted...Less bullshit and straight to the point. None of those "i hope to be your friend" or "you look nice, I hope to know more about you" drama. After a couple of hours, I picked him near my place. He is taller than I am, olive skin tone and yummy. Problem is, I made him wate for a couple of mins and he looked pissed. I introduced myself and he just nodded. No "Hi", no "nice meeting you" nothing. "Oh well, at least I won't have to bother with small talk and just get it on. This would be good and quick" I told myself as I walked ahead of him, leading the way to our place.

Once inside my room, I went right into it, No more "make yourself comfortable" or "have a sit" I just kissed him and unbuckled his pants, he did the same. We tried different positions until finally, we both came buckets. I got up to grab a towel to wipe sweat and saliva-sprayed alcohol but then I went back to him to make out some more. I don't normally do this kind of stuff with hook ups. I may-MAY flirt for awhile playful flirtation not cuddly cuddly kissy kissy. I noticed he wasn't in a hurry to get dressed, "Hmmm maybe he is also tired and just wanted to rest for awhile, I think making stay for 15 more minutes is alright." So we kissed and the unthinkable happened...I fell asleep on top of him while we were making out. LOLZ

After God knows how long it has been, I woke up and it was already dark outside - time for dinner. I thought, maybe feed him before sending him home although I never-NEVERRRR feed hook ups. Why the fuck should I? After the nice fuck, I usually send them home-I need my alone time after sex. Anyway, I served him dinner inside my room. I cooked a really horrible Laing earlier that no one but me was eating. It was terrible! I undercooked half of it and then burned the other half....I forgot to put seasoning so it its just like eating wet undercooked/over cooked leaves. LOLZ Anyway, he was able to finish it all up.

I thought we was going to leave but he seemed comfortable laying on my futon waiting for me to lie next to him again...HHHmmm no sign of leaving anytime soon. I forgot what lame excuse I said for him to leave but he asked if he could stay a little bit longer, there was something in him that I couldn't say "no"...So he stayed for awhile....and then a while became a week, and then months...and then a year...and now it has been a year and so months and we're still together.

I don't know exactly how long we have been together since we don't celebrate monthsaries-and theres no exact date when we became official LOLZ but hey! Nobody's counting.

They say we are an odd couple, since our set up isn't exactly the norm but I don't really care. Whats important is that he's happy, I'm happy, we're together and we love each other. So babes, I wasn't expecting for someone like you---I never asked for you, I was just looking for someone to scratch my itch that day but just like a fly on a hot fresh shit, you kept hanging around me and for that I am honored (like an honor student). I love you more each day (KESO!) and proud to be your babes. Mwah, Mwah, Tsup, Tsup!


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Saturday, November 26, 2011

I'm MOTHER FUCKING BACK!!!!





Hello Bitches! Lolz, after more than a year of being quiet, I'm ending my silence. It's been a crazy 2011 and a not so great 2011 (1st and 2nd quarter) but I'll end this year with a bang...

First things, first. One of the main reason why I stopped blogging is because it became CRAZY!!! Being tagged as an online bully is not cool... Why is that you may ask? It's because I'm a bully in person and not online. Online bullying is for Ugly-fat-coward-broke-stupid people...The likes of Edwin Jamora (E.J.) a.k.a. Poorita Ellena.


Anyhow, I don't want to talk about it (E.J.). It (E.J.) is not important. I'm not sure if people still visit my site -I hope theres still a few, and I hope imbecile concubines deemed me as dead and never check this site ever again.


Moving on, After the book launching, most online folks recognizes me as they "HIV guy" which sucks! It's throwing me off my game! Do you have any idea that there is a limited market who are "ok to sleep with PLHIV"? And not all of them are good looking LOLZ! Some of them are even bugg chasers which I find weird...I mean, REALLY?!?!? We have bugg chasers here in Manila?! LOLZ. And for others who you do want to fuck would say "aaawww....its alright, I'll be here for you FRIEND".

Okay, for those who are under the impression that once you have HIV, your sex life is over well its just a myth...Our libidos didn't die, we still get horny, we still get an erection; and according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, SEX is a physiological need. I maybe on my kindda late 20's but I have the hormones of a teenager. And yes, I have a planetromeo account and it says "LOOKING FOR SEX DATES". To those who are raising their eye brows I say FUCK YOU! It doesn't mean I am automatically spreading the virus! if protecting my sexual partner(s) by being more cautious and you think its safer to have sex with someone who hasn't been tested compared to someone who is positive but is VERY cautious? think again mother fucker-I know what I have, and I know how to protect myself and my partner(s) from getting what I have.

Also, I'm surrounded by friends who are just as slutty as I am....actually, I'm starting to think they have surpassed me already AHEM AHEM @ KANESULFUR lolz


Again, lets move on. What have been up to? Well 2010 and 2011 was my travel years but mid 2011 became fucked up. A good friend of mine was stabbed in a fight which affected me so much that I stopped seeing my friends, I stopped updating my facebook and cutting all communication from everyone (except for my lover-more about him soon) for more than 8months. It's given that I don't deal with death very well but for that to happen to a friend made me crazy! But now I'm ok.

I guess this is quite long, I'll be updating this site more often at least 2x a week. So I guess this is it for now...SEE YAH!!!

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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

UNDER ATTACK AGAIN ***eyes rolling***

(EDWIN JAMORA A.K.A. CHAKLANG BABOY)


Once again I am under attack by EDWIN JAMORA, the stinky, fat, ugly and queen of everything that is evil in this world. Yes, I don't read his blog/blogs (why would I?) but my friend Amiel (Dona Victorina) called me and told me that I am once again under attack by this hideous TNT, old chakla (chakla =chakang bakla). To set the record straight, I NEVER APOLOGIZED to that shithead, why would I apologize to that stinky sebo? When I wished for him to get hit by an 18 wheeler of truck, or wished that he dies a slow and painful death--I MEANT EVERY WORD OF IT! So why take them back?

That fatso had it coming! FYI: I don't see the point as to why bitch about me since I don't have a wide readership and like what he said: no one reads me. He has been picking fights with ALOT ALLLOOOOOTTT of bloggers from the past (to gain popularity I guess) but since I'm not popular I guess he decided to pick on me. Oh well, at the end of the day, at least I'm not 60 pounds overweight, I don't have a nose size of a pancake and my skin does not produce so much lard!

So now EDWIN JAMORA, you ugly tub of lard and shit, heart attack is on its way and since your like 100 years old, I suggest you start doing something productive with your pathetic life instead of feeling popular on cyber space---MOVE YOUR FAT ASS! DO COMMUNITY WORK! MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY (by killing yourself)!

FYI: THIS IS FUCKING CYBERSPACE! Not real life! Doesn't mean that just because there are 100 people reading your shit it means your a fucking celebrity! YOU WILL NEVER MATTER Edwin Jamora and you will never EVER be important to anyone...You will die alone, fat, ugly, broke and did I mention ALONE? Yes, your parents should have aborted you.

(pangit, mas pangit, pinaka pangit...The flying baboys)

****Hopefully this will be my last post about EDWIN JAMORA****

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Friday, September 17, 2010

***UP DATE****

For some reasons I cannot disclose, I will hide past posts :-)

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