Letter to my Shrink

Dear Psych,
What the fuck is your problem?! Why the fuck haven’t you been answering my calls and texts? Is it because you know that I’m on a budget? I refuse to think that you have given up on me! I mean, come on! I’m sure you have weirder patients than me! I don’t have imaginary friends nor do I have bizarre fetishes.

So why the hell haven’t you been answering any of my calls? Do your students know that you’ve been dodging your “clients” calls and texts? Is that even ethical? Do you fucking want me to go to your office, tie you up and force feed you my blood? You were supposed to fucking help me!

Last week, I was alone inside a cab when I had an attack and I fucking tried to call you to help me calm down but both your numbers were unreachable! I had to call Joel B. who then asked me to pray the rosary which was a big mistake! I got more paranoid! I thought I was dying because I was praying-and it also frustrated me because I forgot how to pray the rosary!

When I was confined in the hospital four days ago, I was calling you because I was again having another one of my irrational attacks and like last week, you weren’t there to help me out. I had to call a nurse to help me calm down which is stupid! Do you have any idea how irate nurses at government hospitals are? I got even more paranoid that he would tell the entire staff of LPIDH that they have a neurotic patient. I was actually hoping they’d inject me a muscle relaxant or I don’t know-opium perhaps!

Anyway, the point of my letter is to express my feelings towards you; you always told me to express my feelings so here goes: Fuck you and your mother. You can both suck my HIV dick mother fuckers. There, do I feel better? A little, but I wish there’s a way I could say this directly to your fucking face…maybe smack you around a little bit.

Anyway, have a lousy life and I’ll see you in hell bitch!

Yours truly,

E

Read More......

LPIDH and E

I was confined in a hospital last week due to some infection on the throat and diarrhea. Yes, I could’ve left out the diarrhea part, but I won’t spare you the disgusting details of LBM. So if you’re eating while reading this post-- good luck LOL.

Due to budget constraints, I opted to get myself admitted at Las Pinas Integrated District Hospital which is a government hospital. I decided to leave my folks out of it since I didn't want them to worry and I know I would not have been comfortable with anyone of them staying beside me while I was in a hospital bed.

Ok I’m lying! The truth is I didn't want to cause any more problems to my folks. I remember during my first few months when I came back home, it was hell for them. They had to deal with my withdrawals and I remember the time I threw something at my mom during one of my breakdowns. My mom, being the religious freak that she is, called a spiritual counselor to pray over me while I was having my breakdowns.

It ended up looking like a scene from the movie “the Exorcist”. The counselor was praying in tongues chanting "shalalalalala hilalalalalalalala shalalalala hhmmmlalalala”. It was…stupid. The counselor kept asking the Lord to cast off the devil inside me. Part of me wanted to laugh at that time just to scare the hell out of them, but every molecule in my body was in hyper mode-I was feeling really sick. All I could do was lie there, cry, feel like shit and ask for help.

Where was I? Oh yeah, going back to what I was saying, I have already caused a lot of heartaches to my folks. When I found out about being HIV positive, I told myself that as long as I can deal with it myself, there would be no need for me to ask for their help. I want to shield them from all my bad karma; no need for them to suffer. I refuse to be a burden to anybody-most especially to my family. My parents may not be perfect, but they deserve better.

So, there I was in a semiprivate room with no air-conditioning or fan! I didn’t know that you had to bring your own fan. I was sharing the room with two other patients who I call lola and kuya. Lola is diabetic, she just got out of ICU for reaching a blood sugar level of 568! Luckily she didn’t go into a comma nor had a stroke. Kuya, well, kuya is weird…He kept changing his illness every 30mins, when I asked him the first time he told me he has dengue fever, then he said he has kidney problems then it changed to liver cancer.

Since I was feeling like shit, I decided to sleep. Sleeping is my talent. I can sleep anywhere! I can sleep inside the MRT, bus, jeep, park or even toilet floor (when I’m drunk). I slept for what seemed like hours. I was enjoying my slumber when I felt a hand touch my head, I jolted in response only to find out that it was my constant date, he came to visit.

"Musta?" I smiled.

"Eto galing opisina," he said smiling back.

"May dala ka chibog?" I asked.

"Wala," he said.

“Great! Useless!” I thought. I felt like taking a piss, so I asked him to help me go to the “comfort”room. I wasn’t surprised that the toilet was as small as a plane lavatory and without a lock, but I wasn’t expecting the worst, the toilet looked infested with bacteria! I gulped and took a piss. At the middle of my peeing, my stomach grumbled, now I wanted to do number 2! WTF! My tummy sold me out! How the fuck am I going to take a dump on this dump! I somehow managed but I promised myself never to talk about it for as long as I live (which I am now breaking-obviously). The door was slightly open, and the guy I'm dating was outside holding the dextrose, I was semi sitting on the toilet trying my very best not to make so much noise while I do my deposits, but since I have LBM due to diarrhea, it was inevitable that I make a grumbling and farting sound every time I shit.


"Shit! Fuck! Fuck! Shit!" I screamed on my head, I was on the verge of crying! I was also praying for a miracle that my date who was just outside didn't hear the loud "PPPPRRRRRUUUGGGGHHHHHTTT"


There was no flush in the toilet but there were buckets of water. So even though I was weak, I made the effort to drown the uuuhhh...the gold that I just deposited down the toilet. I went out of the not-so-“comfort"-able room smiling coyly and looking at my date’s eyes. He was fighting a laughter, every now and then a snicker would escape from his mouth and I'd just smile even wider and say "he he he." Of course I was embarrassed!

Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you- yes I'm dating someone for quite some time now, he is older than I am, taller than I am but definitely not smarter than I am. He is not HIV positive but he knows that I am. Yes he is good looking-ask greenman diary and BITCH. He is a really decent person and I just love to irritate him with my “jologs” antics. What I love about him is that like me, he is simple-too simple actually! He is totally oblivious about the gay scene (thank God!). Like me, he is not rich but he has a car. We always go Dutch on everything. He doesn’t read blogs (thank God!). He is kind of religious which sometimes gets to me but it’s a good thing he is not trying to sell his religion to me.

Anyway, we talked about how his day was and eventually, I asked him to go home. He wanted to stay in the hospital but I insisted that he leave.

"Wala ka tutulugan dito, wala aircon ditto," I told him.

"Sa upuan ako matutulog," he said.

"Mainit," I countered.

"Hindi naman, umuulan naman mahangin," he reasoned.

"Hindi ikaw, sira! Ako, maiinitan ako! Nanakawan mo pa ko ng hangin," I explained.

"Wala kang kasama," he said.

"Sino may sabi kelangan ko ng kasama?"

"Wag matigas ulo."

"Wag nga makulit! Yoko nga ng bantay, di ba? Di naman ako 50/50," I told him flatly.

“Walang mag-aasikaso sayo pag pupunta ka CR,” he reminded me.
“Touche!” I thought, this guy is really persistent. He has a point though, how can I possible wipe my ass when I’m holding my dextrose and the other hand holding the door, stopping it from completely opening. On the other hand, I can’t stand that he can hear me taking a dump and he could smell my shit!
What were my options? Adult diapers-nah! I won’t be comfortable making a mess on myself, nurse?-good luck! There are no telephones or buttons to push to call for help. You have to scream if you want to be attended to. Arinola? As much as I wanted to use one, I was sharing a room with two other patients. I don’t think they’d like to see me take dump in front of them.

I had no choice but to give-in. I told him that he should still go to work in the morning. I lent him my laptop and told him to watch a movie or something so he won’t bug me when I’m sleeping. I also told him not to be touchy feely because we were not alone.

The next day, when I woke up he was gone. I just got a text from him. Lola was also up smiling at me so I smiled back and said good morning.

“Umalis na yung kapatid mo,” Lola said.

“Oo nga po,” I replied.

“Ang bait bait ng kapatid mo binabantayan ka,” she was still grinning.

I panicked! “Does she know something she shouldn’t?! Now is the perfect time for her to have a comma-no wait that’s bad!” I told myself. I just smiled and ignored her. I have more things to worry about like my grumbling tummy, signaling me to go to the hellish “comfort” room to make another deposit.

Anyway, to save you from all the nasty and boring details, aside from the god forsaken toilet, I had a wonderful experience. I was able to relax despite having no TV, iPod (because I don’t own one-duh!), air conditioning or fan. Every time I felt bored, I had a diabetic lola who was more than willing to share her never ending stories with me and when she’s asleep, I have the split personality of kuya to entertain me.

I was half sad and half happy to leave the hospital, sad because I’ll miss lola and kuya, sad because despite the depressing aura of the hospital, I was able to find peace. I know I’m weird! Since I didn’t allow any visitors, I checked myself out of the hospital which was a big mistake! If you’re in a public hospital, make sure to have someone to help you arrange your uhhh…billing statements and all that stuff. It was such a hassle to wait in line and argue with old people from the billing department. And whoever is the mayor of Laspinas, please fire that old son of a bitch! He went on lunch break at around 11am and he came back at 3pm! He’s maybe a hundred years old, but that doesn’t give him the mother fucking right to act as if the world owes him shit.



It was already after 5pm when I finally finished paying my hospital bill. I didn’t bring an umbrella with me so I decided to sit at the balcony in front of ER to people watch. I stayed there for hours just looking at the people coming in and out of the hospital.

(Facade of the hospital is old Spanish style)

One time a tricycle stopped in front of the ER and I heard a scream asking for help. A lady came out carrying out a shirtless unconscious teenage boy. The lady was screaming and crying at the same time. People came to her rescue and helped her carry the boy. I could still hear her sobbing as she told what happened to the nurse.

(Taken from outside the window of ER)

Ahh! The drama of life, never seems to end…There are a hundred things happening inside the hospital right now, there are some who are thankful that they were admitted, at least they have a semi soft bed with walls and ceiling to sleep in tonight. Some are worrying about how or where to get the Php300 per night ward accommodation or the Php500 per night in the ICU.

(Lobby which also serves as a sleeping area for visitors)

As I was drowning myself in random thoughts, I saw a very thin lady walking with a humongous belly pass me by. Either she is pregnant or she just swallowed a 5 year old kid. She was carrying her things with her. I assumed she’s about to go on labor and she just needed the walk to break her water bag. She saw me looking at her and she stared back at me and I gave her a weak smile.

It’s hard to care in a place like this, too many stories, too many people I’ll only feel bad that I can’t accommodate all. What the fuck am I thinking?! I’m no savior?! I can’t even save myself…But still, it makes me sad that there’s nothing I can do to help…I had to get out of this place, I’m developing a heart.

(homeless persons sleeping on the step of the left wing of the hospital)

I wish I were rich, so I can have the luxury to do something about this. Right now all I can do is stare and sympathize. I kinda feel guilty that in a way I get to take for granted the things that most of the people-the real people, can’t have like a house to live in. I can sometimes afford to eat at nice places. I can afford to watch a movie every now and then. I promise one of these days I’d go back to this hospital and give out zesto and food or something.

(Mother and Child, sleeping at the balcony near ER)

(My feet as I sit on the balcony near ER, yes, my feet look depressing...the person is front me is sleeping his wife is currently at ICU)

Oh well, it’s just another day for me, another adventure in this so called life. So what’s next? Well I just got a text from “x0x0 gossip girl” and the upper east crowd, the “it” scene just gave me an invite to the hottest event for next month. It’s crazy how from being confined in a fucking public hospital, I now have to worry about what to wear to this event-LOL! What if I shock the crowd by telling them my government hospital story? LOL they might chase me out of the party with their Channel and Fendi umbrellas but I’m pretty much sure three from that circle would come to my rescue. I guess that’s about it for now.

Read More......

GreenMan and E (adventures of Dumb and Dumber)

"Naiisip nya kaya ako?” (“Is he thinking of me right now?”), I asked JT (Green Man Diary) we were leaning on his parked car in front of the now closed Giligans bar in Malate.

“Miss ko na si R, sobra” (“I miss R so much!”), Green Man said pertaining to his boyfriend.

“I can’t believe he saw me with this stupid silver fucking hair!” I turned around to look at my reflection on JT’s tinted car window.

“I shouldn’t have done what I just did! I miss him so much,” JT took his phone out, hoping that there’s a text message from him his boyfriend R.

“Give him his space,” I said realizing that we were both talking about two different people. Our conversation wasn’t making any sense. It was like we were talking to ourselves out loud (which is not that uncommon to us).

“Oh well, at least maalala nya yung buhok ko, may recall” (“Oh well, at least he will remember my hair…there’s a recall”), injecting my current concern for the night, trying to overpower his worries with my petty drama.

Ok, you might ask what the fuck am I talking about, right? That was a scene of me and Green Man at 2am in Malate. So who the hell is Green Man you might ask, well JT is a friend of mine who recently came out as a PLWHIV (person living with HIV) at positivism.ph (and a blogger) along with my boyfriend who loves me so much, Wango Galaga (kidding!).

Green Man has been my friend for quite some time now, but actually, I’ve seen him before, this was early 2000. We never really talked to each other; he was a loner bitch and I was a bitch (LOL) at that time. It never crossed my mind that we would end up being friends but thanks to the fastest growing network (HIV) we ended up being close.

Green Man is my exact opposite. He sees the world in an abnormal fashion, where everything is happy and great! He is what I would describe, a pathological optimist when I’m, just plain pathological. If we were twins, he would be the boy next door type, the “it” guy and I would be the bitter, ugly-ass brother who people would tag as “the evil twin”. What’s not to like about him? He has the looks and charm. He is smart, earning a degree at University of the Philippines (minor on ballistics and major in catatonia-joke). He is ubber friendly, sweet and cheesy (which sometimes gets to me).

(Read his blog by clicking on the picture above)

He is what I would call “pa-virgin” (virginal). He’s one of those people who doesn’t go for a quick scratch on the back, there should be feelings involved and sex should be something only two people in love would do. (I’m getting goose bumps and on the verge of vomiting while I’m typing this.) For me, he is one of the people living with HIV who I could honestly say doesn’t deserve the virus (read his blog and know his HIV story). You would wonder how we became friends since we are exact opposites. Well, you see, we both share the same passion, which is living life to the fullest and getting to experience our full potential…that and we both have a lot of what Bloomberg Karl would call “blonde moments”(and love for freebies). We’re like the male version of Romie and Michelle (the movie). When we’re together, we would have our blonde moments and be okay about it since we’re so used to each others uhmmm…stupidity (for lack of a better term).

Anyway, going back to my story, on how we ended up talking outside his car at 2am on a Friday in Malate.It all started on Wednesday evening, I invited him to go out to have a drink since we haven’t seen each other for the longest time-As usual, he is fashionably late and I’m, irritatingly early (which is rare since I’m almost never early for anything!).

I met him at the parking lot of this bar in QC and our bonding moment went well--too damn well that we should’ve known it was too good to last. The next day I woke up with a sour taste on my throat and tummy ache. My gert or gerd was acting up again. I had to vomit buckets of acid and I couldn’t even talk. I had to take medications and rest it off since we had to attend an event that evening.

I got better later on and went to the event at around 7:30pm only to find out that he wasn’t there yet, so I texted, called and texted him just to remind him that we need to show up for the event. You see, Green Man has a memory span of Dory (from the movie Finding Nemo), you have to remind him two days before the event, the day of the event and 3 hours before the event or else it would slip his mind and say “Bakit di mo sakin pinaalala?!?!?!?!?!?!” (why didn’t you remind me?!?) Like it was your fault and that your sole purpose in life is to be his human organizer.

After a couple of minutes I got a text from him saying “Call again” So I called his number and after 200 rings (I’m exaggerating) the bitch on the other line said something about being unreachable and call again later. Since I find it hard to believe that Green Man is that moronic to actually ask me to call him and then ignore my calls. I dialed his number again, only this time I didn’t wait for the recording to pick up. I hanged up after 10 rings. Again, I got a text from him, asking me to call him up again and the same fucking thing happened.

When he asked me to call him up for the third time, he finally picked up. He was crying! I immediately asked what happened and he told me that he had a fight with his live-in partner R.

“Ang sakit sakit,” (“It hurts so much,”) he added while sobbing like a bitch.
“Pumunta ka na dito, ngayon na. Mas maganda may kasama ka baka kung ano pa maisipan mo.” (“Come here now, it’s better that you have someone with you or you might end up doing something stupid.”) Of course, I was worried. This was the first time I heard a pathological optimistic flower ranger sob!

“Huhhh…sniff, sniff…Ayoko magkalat jan, anong susuotin ko?” (“I don’t want to make a mess there, what will I wear?”) He said while he was sniffed snot and regained a little composure.

“Uhhh…Business casual? I’m wearing jeans and polo shirt. Just get your ass here.” It took me a while to realize how someone so heartbroken and on the verge of losing his mind could still have the heart to ask “What will I wear?” Oh well, what can I say? Typical Green Man, you wouldn’t catch him dead wearing anything that won’t flatter him.

“Sige bibihis lang ako.”(“Ok I’ll just change clothes.”) He was finally calming down and we put down the phone.

After 15 mins I got a text from him “I need to get drunk for free and I want a new phone.”

What’s wrong with this bitch?! Is he retarded? Yes, the event was a launching of a new mobile phone, but not everyone would be given a free unit. Since he was extra bimbo that night, I chose to ignore his text message.

After 2 hours (30minutes before the program of the event ended) he finally came and I met him at the registration area so he won’t be harassed by the door bitch since this is after all an exclusive event. He was smiling like a fucking kid. He was dressed for the occasion. Better than most of the people inside (better than me but that’s already a given-LOL) and you won’t see any trace of sadness in his eyes.
Wait? Did I just miss something? Why the fuck is this bitch smiling? Didn’t he just had a fight with his partner? I told myself. Am I finally going insane? Was the phone call even real?

“HAAAAAAIII!!!!” Green Man said as he slapped me on the back (not the ass).
“Kamusta?” (“How are you?”) with a tone like we haven’t seen each other for years.

We went inside the place and went directly to the bar so he could get drunk (for free). When we got there he ordered kurant7 or is that kurant8? Since I just had the worst heartburn this morning I opted to play it safe and asked for water only to find out that they ran out of water-OUT OF WATER?!?! Huuuwaaaaatt?!?!? How can a bar run out of water? It’s like saying that McDonald’s ran out of Burger. The bar tender gave me iced tea which (I think) contains almost the same amount of acid as malt beer or cola.

Green Man was about to pour his heart out when suddenly people were bumping us from every direction. He couldn’t get into the moment so we went to a nearby table instead. There he told me what happened which for security reasons (my security) I won’t divulge details. (Yes, I’m perfectly capable of using the word “Divulge” in a sentence.)But this I have to say, Green Man is not so perfect after all! Nope, there was no third party involved; he neither stole something nor did drugs. I’m itching to say it but then again he might kill me.

“Ang tanga mo,” (“Your so stupid,”) I said.

“I know! Paano kung hiwalayan na nya ako? DI ko kaya” (What if he breaks up with me? I won’t be able to handle it.”)He said in a dramatic way which made my insides squirm.

“I think you have to respect the person and give him space since you’re the one who fucked up royally.” In other words don’t go home to your place tonight; I wanted to tell him that but chose not to.

After a while we were joined by my officemates and finally, we were able to relax and enjoy the event. For some reason I thought it would be cool and fun if I sprayed my hair silver. Later that night we said our goodbyes to my officemates and planned to go to Malate since I wanted him to take his mind off his worries and enjoy the night.

“Friend, thank you so much,” he texted me

“You’re so cheesy!” I replied, I mean what’s up with the text?! I’m standing like less than 5 feet away from you?! But that’s Green Man, he is very appreciative of almost anything (and mushy…and cheesy…and mushy).

When we got inside his car and he turned on the engine and realized that he left his park lights on! His car batteries were discharged!

“Oh my God! I’m so stupid!” He yelled from frustration and like a true friend that I am, I looked at him and laughed (Blonde moment number 1).

“May cable ka para magpa-jump start tayo?,” (“Do you have cable so we can jump start the battery?”) I asked.

“Wala.”(“None.”)

I smiled at the predicament, it was hard not to! I couldn’t help it! We went out of the car and headed back to the event to look for my colleagues so we can ask help. Luckily, I spotted them as they were headed to their car. I told them about the situation and like me, they too couldn’t stop from laughing.

It took almost an hour for us to jump start his car and we took pictures of us with his car just to remind Green Man how fuckingly hell this night was. “Bakla na nga tatanga tanga pa” one of my colleagues said. I had to remind everybody that he just fought with his live in partner that’s why he is extra blonde tonight.

As soon as we got the car running, we were off to Malate, we thanked my officemates and the bystanders who also helped, watched and added stress to the already stressful situation.

“Ano pa kaya pwede mangyari? Masagasaan tayo ng bus? Ehehehe” (What do you think will happen next? Get hit by bus?) I joked and we both laughed.

On the way to Malate we got into some serious talking about..I forgot. We turned left to Nakpil street, then out of nowhere a police car appeared and was signaling us to pull over. “FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!NOW WHAT!?” I thought. Green Man opened his window “Ano po yun?,” (“Yes?,”) he asked politely.

“Ah ser kasi nag U turn kayo ng Redlight eh” the police said, or what I think I heard him say.

My mind automatically went brain dead and I could hear Green Man and the police talking, but I couldn’t understand what they were talking about. I hate the police: How many times have these fuckers chased me at circle? How many times have these alligators arrested my dealer, pusher friends and ended up releasing them for a lump sum.

After awhile, I came back to my senses then one of the police saw Green Man’s wang wang (siren)! “God! Could this night get any worse?! From a simple traffic light violation and now this?!?!” I felt 60 years older. Never have I known that Green Man has a wang wang on his car, he never used it…well at least not when I’m around, as far as I know he is a law abiding citizen who won’t hurt another person (Or would he? AHAHAHHAHAA!) Anyway that’s a private joke so don’t feel bad if you don’t get it.

The police went back to talk to his superior and Green Man turned to face me.
“Ano pa? Baka may shabu ka pa dito?”(“What else? You might have crack hidden somewhere?”) I asked him and surprise, surprise! -- The policeman and his superior appeared on his window just in time to hear what I just said.

To make the very long story short Green Man gave the fucking policePhp500.00 to let us off the hook and we promised to take off the wang wang. We parked in front of the now closed Guiligans and then with our luck, we were swarmed by call boys. Not that I have anything against them (DUH!), but I just wanted to relax and be with my friend, but Green Man was being perky and kept talking to them, I wanted to drag his ass. We finally settled in at Silya, where we ordered Tapsilog. We laughed about the whole fucking mess and how this night was so unlucky.

I was just about to relax when I saw someone from my peripheral vision “Holy Fuck!” My mind screamed. “It’s alright E, it’s not like he’s going to see you,” I tried to calm myself. Apparently Green Man saw the person too and he immediately stood up with a big fucking grin on his face and waved at him “Nicolo! Nicolo!” he called the guy. I looked at Green Man in my most pathetic face, pleading for him to shut up but he was too busy calling out Nicolo Cosme (celebrated photographer). I wanted to push the table to knock him down but it was too late! Nicolo was already beside him and they were already talking! I made no effort to stand up, now was the perfect time for an earthquake or a fucking tornado!

“Uy, friend ko pala, si E,” (“By the way, this is my friend E,) Green Man introduced me to my major crush.

I smiled and said hi but deep down all I wanted to do was run! Yes, I am very aggressive when it comes to hook ups and all, but this was different, he happened to be my crush and for the love of God! I know people might question me “WHY?!?!” normally I don’t go for soft, flamboyant guys. But for some reason I find Nicolo Cosme HOT!!!

He was friendly enough to say hi, even though we’ve met before and have been introduced like a thousand times already, but apparently he doesn’t remember me...It’s like the movie “50 first fucking dates”-only, I don’t get the girl, I mean guy (Frustrating much).



Nicolo kept staring at me while they were talking and I was sweating buckets “Stop looking at me or I’ll fucking kiss you!” I shouted at him, in my head, of course. I can’t say that to him, I mean it’s Nicolo fucking Cosme for fucks sakes. He’s the type of person I’d take out for a movie and dinner if I had a chance. Where was I? Oh yeah, he kept staring at me and then all of a sudden he blurted out “San ka nag-pakulay ng buhok?” (Where did you get your hair colored?)At that moment I was ready to die! I fucking forgot that I painted my hair silver! What the fuck was I thinking? Oh right! I wasn’t thinking! I thought it would be “cool” and “fun” to spray my hair silver!!! I opened my mouth but I couldn’t speak! What can I possibly tell him?

“Galing kami sa event, napag-tripan lang yan, spray on yan.” (“We just came from an event, just tripped and sprayed his hair with silver paint.”) Green Man came to my rescue. I was forcing back tears. I needed to regain my composure.

“Ah, oo kasi hindi kaya ma-achive yung ganyang pagkakakulay sa buhok” (“Ah yes, because you can’t achieve that hair color in a salon.”) He said while still looking at my hair.

They talked for a little bit and then Nicolo went back to his friends, they were seating at a nearby table, less than 6 steps away from us.

“Tang-ina ka, tinawag mo pa talaga?” (“You motherfucker! Why did you call him?”) I whispered to Green Man.

“Bakit?” (Why?), he asked.

“Trip na trip ko kaya sha tapos muka akong tanga! Di ako ready”! (“I like him so much and I look like shit! I wasn’t ready!)

Like a true friend, Green Man stared at me then laughed.

While we were eating our food, we talked about how perfect our night was but I couldn’t concentrate knowing that Niccolo fucking Cosme is like 5 steps away from me. I couldn’t concentrate knowing the fact that he saw me in my worst! I was wearing jeans, red polo shirt and a silver fucking hair!!! I probably have oil and dirt on my face from helping out with the cables to jump start Green Mans car! I kept replaying the scene on my head where he was looking at my fucking hair and asking where I had it done.

After eating, we decided to go inside O bar to drown our worries with the loud music. I got Green Man a beer while I had iced tea. Fuck! I wanted to take something stronger…Colt45? Red horse? Mr. Muscle or Joy ultra antibac perhaps? The place was packed! We could barely move, Green Man kept his eye on the gogo dancer while I closed my eyes tried to feel the music to clear my head off.

“Nakalimutan ko uminom ng ARV” (“I forgot to take my meds”), Green Man semi shouted to my ear (ARV=anti retroviral, medicine for HIV positives, our life support)

“May dala ka?” (“You have it with you?”), I asked

“Nasa kotche.” (“It’s in my car.”)

“Tara.” (“Lets go.”)

“Pano to?”(“What about this?”), he asked pertaining to his beer.

“Ok lang yan, di tyo huhuliin ng police.” (“It’s alright, we won’t go to jail for that.”)

We went outside of the bar walked towards his parked car. I leaned on his car while he went inside rummaging through his things, looking for his pill box. He got out from the driver’s side holding his blue pill box to show me the ARV which I’m hoping I would never have to take.

“Tubig?”(Water?), I asked

“Ok na to.” (“This is ok.”), he waved his bottle of beer.

He popped pills in his mouth and flushed it down with a gulp of beer and he leaned on his car beside me.

“Is he thinking of me right now?” I asked Green Man Diary

“I miss R so much!” Green Man pertaining to his boyfriend.

“I can’t believe he saw me with this stupid silver fucking hair!” I turned around to look at my reflection on his tinted car window.

“I shouldn’t have done what I just did! I miss him so much,” Green Man took his phone out, hoping that there’s a text message from him his Boyfriend R.

“Give him his space” I said realizing that we were both talking about 2 different people. Our conversation weren’t making any sense, it’s almost like we were talking to ourselves out loud (which is not that uncommon to us).

“Oh well, at least he will remember my hair…there’s a recall” I again injected my current concern for the night, trying to overpower his worries with my petty drama.

“How much do you think do these call boys charge now a days?” I asked Green Man.

“300, 150?” He answered.

I looked at my watch. “I don’t think so, it’s too early to go on sale; it’s not even 3am yet.”

Not that I was looking for a booty call, I just wanted to make a conversation that doesn’t involve Niccolo Cosme, R, police or discharged car batteries.

We each still have two free drinks left, that’s two bottles of beer for Green Man and two glasses of iced tea for me (virginal-I hate it!), but we opted to stay outside, and not go back to that crowded place. A little later, Green Man decided it would be fun to talk to the call boys so when one came near him. He opened up a conversation while I pretended not to listen.

Call boy making the proposition to Greenaman: “May alam ako lugar malapit lang mura lang at malinis” (“I know a place nearby that is cheap and clean”).

“Ay malinis? Ayoko gusto ko dirty” (“Clean? I want it dirty”), Green Man said while laughing

“Pwede din kung gusto mo” (We could go somewhere dirty too if you want).

“May HIV ako” (I have HIV), Green Man said.

I jolted from my comfortable leaning position and asked for a stick of lights from Green Man. How could he say it so freely to a stanger?

“Ok lang yun, kung panahon mo na, panahon mo na” (“That’s alright. if it’s your time to go, then it’s your time to go”), the call boy said too quickly, without even thinking it over.

“Hindi naman ganun yun. Mag condom lang parati para hindi mahawa, hindi na naman nakakamatay ang HIV basta maagapan” (“It’s doesn’t have to be that way. You won’t have the disease if you use a condom. HIV isn’t fatal anymore, if you address it at its onset.”), Green Man said in defense.

I walked away to find a light and when I came back the callboy was gone.

“How could you say that so freely?” I asked Green Man

“What? At least nabigyan ko pa sha ng pointers.” (“At least, I was able to give him useful pointers.”)

Typical Green Man, just when I thought that he couldn’t shock me anymore, he’d do something outrageous. But then again, I have to hand it to him for being so brave. I know it’s a non-issue but then again I guess a part of me is still in denial, part of me still clings on the idea that I’m not HIV positive (I guess).

We stayed there in silence, catatonic and after a couple of minutes we decided to go home. He dropped me off at Vito Cruz where I took a jeep going to Baclaran….Baclaran, one of the slums of Manila, it’s crazy how I was invited to attend a posh event and party with the “it” crowd and now I’m walking on a dark, dirty and depressing area of Metro Manila.

A couple of hours ago I was ogling over one of Manila’s celebrated photographers and now I’m here strolling around the wet, dirty and dangerous streets of Baclaran…I automatically remembered Karl (my friend from BLOOMBERG), though he was an “it” boy in the gay kingdom come where you are measured with looks, money and friends he still befriended me even though I lacked a fashion sense, money and connections. As for Green Man, well, it’s inevitable that we became friends-we both love freebies and we have our blonde moments, but like Karl, Green Man is/was part of the scene. I’m so proud of my friends for being popular. I don’t want that kind of life but I get to taste a part of it because of them.


As I walk the dangerous part of Baclaran, reality sinks in that I don’t belong to the “it” crowd…I smile. I may never get my chance with Nicolo Cosme (unless I drug him and rape him unconscious), I may never belong to the “it” crowd but I don’t envy them…I have what they don’t have, which is the courage to walk the slums of Metro Manila without being mugged and I get to see the beauty of this filthy place.

When I got to the jeepney terminal going to _____, I took a picture of Baclaran and realized that this is the real Manila, not the glitzy glamour of Makati and the Fort. This is where I belong….the good, the bad and the ugly…This is me.

Read More......

3 in 1 post

It’s been three weeks since I last updated this online journal and for that I’m so sorry. I’ve been busy with both personal activities and work. I haven’t even had the time to read my favorite blogs (for real), which is a drag since I’ve been religiously following my bog roll list like a mother fucking crack whore, waiting for her turn to shoot… Speaking of mother fucker, Happy Mother’s Day to all Mom’s out there (To all feeling mothers and bottoms out there, this is your day as well… Joke!)

Going back to the topic, I’ve been insanely busy lately or feeling busy, or a little bit of both that I haven’t been updating my space and reading blogs. Now that I finally have the time (and energy) to make a post, I will make this post a three-posts- in-one since I’ve been itching to blog about how things are turning up lately.


POST 1: BORACAY RORO ADVENTURE

As you all know, I went to Boracay last, last week and it was my first time to take a bus going there. I didn’t mind going there on a Bus since I love the adventure. I was able to experience sleeping on this:

(Staircase of a ferry)

And this:

(Bench on the side of the Ferry with rain drops hitting your face while you sleep)

Or this:


(Ok, I didn’t sleep on top of a bus during the Ferry ride, but don’t you think that would’ve been cool?)


It was grueling 15 hour bus ride and ferry ride! I have learned that if you want to take a bus going anywhere that is further than Batangas, you have to wear an adult diaper. The fucking bus driver won’t stop even if you showed him your piss leaking dick - I don’t think he would stop even if you pissed on him! I had to endure holding in a large bottle of mineral water inside my bladder for 2 hours! And to make things worse, it was a bumpy road!


I’m appealing to the Mayor or Congressman of Mindoro, have your fucking roads fixed for fucks sakes! It’s a good thing I didn’t feel like taking a dump or else I would’ve sharted and there would be another Chocolate surprise entry (Sharted=shit and fart combined). The land trip wasn’t all bad. Like I said, it was an experience and there were some fun memories like that time that I took a leak at the back of a parked bus and at the middle of my piss, the bus started to move backwards almost knocking me down and running over me. I’m too pretty to be road kill by the way!

When I finally got to Caticlan port, I was so happy! But when they started asking for the Php50 “Environmental Fee,” I was flabbergasted (Ok, I know I don’t use gay words such as “flabbergasted” but I have to use it 10 times for today)-What the fuck is an “Environmental Fee” for? Is it: A) A fee to help maintain the nice environment of Boracay? Or B) A fee you pay so you could destroy the environment-I’m so Flabbergasted (there I said it again 8 more to go).

When I finally reached Boracay, it was like the nicer, kind of better version of Puerto Gallera, in short, it sucks! The island became ugly! Now I know why they charge Php50 for an Environmental fee, that Php50 is the fee you pay that allows you to destroy the island, a small amount you pay for fucking up the once beautiful beach. Anyhoo, (Anyhoo=A homosexual way of saying “Anyway or “anyhow” which is also pronounces as INIHAW) the Boracay trip was ok and I would like to commend the wonderful staff of the Mandarin Hotel Boracay for giving out the best customer service I have ever experienced in the last 5 years. I love you Mandarin Hotel Boracay and Don Vito restaurant! If ever I become delusional and decide to go back to Boracay and I have a Php32, 000 budget for a 4 day accommodation, I’ll definitely stay with you guys!

Flabbergasted!
Flabbergasted!
Flabbergasted!
Flabbergasted!
Flabbergasted!
Flabbergasted!
Flabbergasted!
Flabbergasted ! (There! I’ve said it 10x already)

***END OF BORA***



POST2: NEW FOUND FRIENDS


After my Boracay trip, I met up with my FRIEND (<--emphasize on that word) Karl, who is a writer for Bloomberg. Yes, I have leveling friends (Leveling=street word for “status”) and he introduced me to the wonderful sport of boxing. Boxing, not the art of putting stuff inside a carton box, but the combat sport of using your fist to put your opponent inside a box-joke! The training was hard, boot camp-ish hard, tiring but mother fuckingly great! It only takes 3 minutes per round but that will be the longest 3 minutes of your life!

I have found a new respect for boxers (the athlete, not the guys who put stuff inside a box and not boxer as in underwear). I decided to continue with the training 3 times a week and go to hit the gym when I’m not boxing. I need to develop a healthier lifestyle so I decided to stay away from booze for 3 months but I still can’t give up smoking! (You can’t have it all!) Karl and Nana (Our lesbian friend who also works for Bloomberg) are my constant companions nowadays. Cousin started dating this twink so we haven’t been seeing each other that much but we make it a point to update each other.

For the twink that cousin is dating, I have two words for you, it starts with a capital “T” and the second word starts with an “M” : T____ M_. You better be good to cousin or I’ll rip your eyes out and fuck you bareback! As long as cousin is happy then it’s all good. Just like what the wise and ever so glowing Kim Chiu said “habulin mo, happiness mo! HAPPINESS!” Oh yeah, about the two words, “Treat me!” hehehe if you want my blessing, buy me food hehehe.



Going back to my NFF (New found friends), Karl has a BF that he loves so much and seeing them together is like the yaoi version of Bea Alonzo and John Lloyd Cruz ehehehe! Karl brings me a sense of sanity and he is so dramatic with almost everything. He loves poetry, literature and is completely OC! He is well organized and like Joel Mcvie, he has this very light aura that draws you in, making him a really good companion. Nana is a lesbian who has been getting over two failed relationships for the longest time, she’s a film maker, a painter, writer, strip dancer (joke) and together with Karl, they are like yin and yang; negative-postive. Both of them combined makes the balance ehehehe. So what have we learned so far? Karl, good, Nana, emo (joke!).


***END OF NFF***


POST3: My 1st Investment


Ever since I started working, I realized that I want my remaining years I have left to be pleasant, I started thinking about investing. I’ve been scouting real estate and trying to figure out what is best for me and my folks (Yes, I’m planning to take my parents with me wherever I go). One day, out of nowhere my wonderful Dad who I kind of never asked anything from –ok I’m lying! Let me rephrase that, my wonderful, loving father, who I sometimes ask for something, told me that he is happy that I’m finally working and making something out of my life and offered to give me money for investment.

Initially I thought of a condo near the office so I asked friends, acquaintances, cousin,and enemies for advice but later on I realized that the idea of being stuck inside a tall building during an earthquake is not appealing so I resorted to house and lot. I asked around but it was either ugly, expensive or both. One day I was at Paseo de Sta. Rosa in Laguna having lunch with my sister and her kids, when a beautiful woman gave me a flier. She was tall, with a light skin tone and a nice pretty face. I immediately got a boner.


I looked at the flier and it was about real estate. I started chatting with her but it was hard to concentrate on what she was saying with my boner so I opted to get her number. After numerous text messages and phone calls, we decided to meet and she showed me the place. It was love at first sight! The village is at Greenview Laguna, very exclusive! You have to have like an electronic pass to get inside the gate (no more car stickers). She showed me around the place and there were pockets of Zen garden with koi ponds and gazebos scattered around the village. There are a lot of trees and plants around the area and the houses are big and nice! She told me that the place is the first residential park in the Philippines (whatever that is).She told me that only 50% of the area is residential and the other 50% is nature ala zen type. We went inside one of the model houses which she told me was the cheapest and smallest they have, only to find out that I’m inside a fucking mansion!

Ok, I’m exaggerating, but it was huge! 2 storey house with 3 bedrooms, large dining area, separate room for kitchen, washroom, maids quarter with own toilet and bath, 2 bathrooms (1 for the masters bedroom and another communal) , a balcony, a large garage and a garden. I was teary eyed and happy to see place! I asked for the price and I almost had my second attack right there and then. Yes, it’s expensive, I know my Dad my loves me, but I don’t think he loves me that much (hehehe) and I don’t want to push my luck either.

She explained to me that the place is indeed exclusive, there’s a 24 hour roaming security inside the village and there are motion sensors scattered around the place so it’s really safe. Residents will be given an epass instead of a sticker so they can pass the main gate. Only residents can go inside the village and if there’s a visitor, the guards would first have to call the homeowner to confirm before allowing the visitor to enter the gate. Wow! Ayala Alabang is that you? (hehehe).

She also said that there are no posts for electricity inside the village because all Meralco cables are semi-underground and I immediately remembered Singapore. The whole community is a wifi zone, cable and telephone ready (like I would need a landline or watch a lot of cable). We went to one of the pocket zen gardens and told me that they are very particular with the theme of the community, gates or picket fences are not allowed since it will ruin the overall feel of the place. Pets are allowed but you must clean their shit immediately.


The place had a calming effect on me which is good since I’m almost always hyper and on the go. She told me that they’re building a clubhouse that will house an adult and kiddie pool, basketball court, gym and conference rooms as well. I was full of disappointment and crying. I so wanted the place but I know I couldn’t afford it-not even if I sell both my kidneys and mom. Then she said something that gave me hope. They are selling lots as well and I almost hugged her. We went inside the office and started talking numbers.

Last week, I went back to Laguna with my Dad and Ms. Pretty to show him the place. I showed him the cheapest house and tried my luck to ask him if maybe I could have a house and lot but he said he would rather disown me-Ok, I’m kidding. My Dad loved the place and the three of us started talking about numbers then a gorgeous yummy hunk came inside and introduced himself as “the team leader”. Fuck the place! I would like to have a piece of his yummy ass! I had to excuse myself and went outside the office because I was majorly crushing on Team leader, I might black out and start raping him in front of my dad.

When I saw team leader leave, I went back inside the office. My Dad and Ms. Pretty finally agreed on the terms and the next thing I know, I was picking out a 240 square meter lot which was near the clubhouse, lagoon and fishing area (aside from the pocket koi ponds).After I picked out my lot which I forgot the block number, Ms. Pretty dropped the bomb, I have to build a house in 5 years time. I can only get accredited contractors that will build my house and the design of the house is for the villages’ approval. I asked if I could build 2 houses on my block but the community has a strict one house per block rule and I can’t have a sari-sari store inside, not even a vendor stand!!!

My head started spinning and I wanted to faint! My Dad was already paying for the lot which costs like a house and lot already! 5 years?! That’s like 2 weeks in HIV years! Anyway, I remembered that there is such a thing called a loan. Yesterday, I went back to Laguna to look at my lot and to see the house models so I can get an idea of the architecture of my dream house. I totally forgot about monthly dues but it wasn’t that much (Thank God! )It was somewhere between Php5-Php7 per square meter. So, for the next few weeks, I’ll be sourcing out architects to design my dream house.

A friend asked me why get an investment in Laguna? It’s far from the city, far from my work and not to mention the bitch of traffic in Alabang. The thing is, I like the village and the surrounding community will be developed into a techno park/condominium. You need a car to get around Greenview since there are no public transportation thus, no squatters area (as of now but security inside the village is great!), it’s near a hospital and Paseo de Roxas which is like the mini-me version of Alabang Town Center and It’s just a 30min drive going to Tagaytay.

Plus, eventually, I would want to settle down. I don’t want to settle down in the city where there is traffic and pollution everywhere. I don’t want to settle down where safety is an issue. Yes, it may be far from Makati or QC but my castle will still be a great escape from the ugly, traffic, polluted, congested, unsafe city. Besides, the essentials are just around the corner like hospital and groceries. I want me and my partner to enjoy a beautiful and safe living environment where we could drive to Tagaytay for a dinner date and then head back to the village to stroll around the park, have quick sex on one the gazebos and go skinny dipping on the kiddie pool (joke!). At night, we would have either beer or vodka on the balcony, overlooking the pockets of zen gardens and trees then make out under the dim moonlight (and have the neighbors watch us do it on the balcony-joke again!)

Besides, I still haven’t discounted the fact that there is a possibility that I might deteriorate. I don’t want to deteriorate inside a fucking condo. I want to see nature! And when it’s my time to go, I can leave something behind for my son/daughter or niece/nephew.

This is my first investment and I’m glad I didn’t get a car. Aside from the mother fucking traffic and high price of gasoline, there are the parking fees you have to worry about and maintenance. Cars depreciate in value while real estate appreciates over time (especially if it’s a prime location), besides, we already have a car, why would I want another one? Things are finally falling into place and I’m so happy about it! I’m growing up! Hehehe! For the haters who think I’m delusional again and that I’m imagining this place this is my proof that it exists:





P.S.

I am not selling this real estate nor am I getting a discount for this post but that would be good…Or maybe one hot night with the team leader and Ms. Pretty would be great! Anyway, visit http://www.pramana.com.ph/global/ to know more about the place and if you want to be neighbors-LOL

Read More......

BORACAY!!!!

I've been busy with a lot of stuff lately! Both work and personal stuff which almost led to a law suit-yes! it can only happen to me but thanks to that person whose heart is so good, he won't sue me. Thank you S! I have also learned that owning up to ones mistake and begging like crack addict whore also helps (for real). I'll spare you the details since a) The person might change his mind and decide to go on with the law suit b) That’s a very loonng post c)I have yet to plot an evil plan to get back to the other people involved.

I was suppose to make a post on how my blogger friend Karl who works for BLOOMBERG (yes, it’s a necessity for me to brag that I have a friend who works for BLOOOOMMMBBEERRG, there I've done it again) brought me to ADARNA culture and cafe (or something like that) somewhere in QC to meet his lesbian friend who is a famous photographer. It was quite an experience for me since it was my first close encounter to the emo-dumped kind. I don't want to pre-empt that story since it's was a real eye opener for me and I can't stop bragging about my blogger friend who works for BLOOOOOMMMBBBEEERRRGGG oh by the way, his name is KARL (lol), I have yet to ask permission from him if I could post his blog as well :-)

Anyway, the point of this post is to invite people to these events:




So whats my sudden interest to Boracay Events? Well because I'm going to Boracay tomorrow, and to make it more interesting, this is the first time I'll take the RORO alone :-) So wish me luck! If you guys are going to Bora, shoot me mail! Oh, let me borrow a camera, digicam or film, it doest matter LOL!

Read More......

Bloggers Summer Encounter In Boracay (BSE)

Interesting...

Read More......

Puerto Galera Part 2

I jumped out of the futon quickly and they were both laughing. I took my clothes and went inside the toilet to change and stormed out of the cottage. “Huy sorry na! Napag tripan ka lang naming” (Hey, Were sorry, we were just tripping) One called out while I was headed for the door but they we’re still laughing. Mother fucking pervert! With nowhere to go, I decided to look for Paolo and Ryan but they were no longer at the bar. I was pissed; I tried to look for my cousin and ask if I could stay with them but then I saw my ultimate crush friend, he was with his suitor and was surprised to see me. We automatically went to chitchat mode, I told him what happened and asked if I could stay with them for a while; once inside their air-conditioned cottage, I took the bed and hoped that my ultimate crush will lie down beside me and he did! His suitor however wasn’t happy but I didn’t care. He stormed out of the cottage and then I locked the door and lied down beside my crush.


Nothing major happened, we just kissed and jerked off together, after reaching major orgasm, we both fell asleep. We woke up from the loud knocking on the door and when I opened the door it was his suitor giving me the eye. What the hell was his problem anyway?! It’s not like they’re together! If I know he wanted to be a part of our action. It was dark outside and the both of them were arguing about something (not me)I cut off their argument to inform both of them that I need to head back to my cottage and that I will see them tonight. I kissed my crush on the cheek and kissed his suitor on the lips. That would shut him up

When I got back to the cottage the two assholes were gone. Paolo was inside the shower while Ryan was in front of the mirror fixing his hair; it looked like he just got out of the shower and just finished getting dressed. “Saan ka nag-punta? Akala naming nalunod ka na. Sabi ni _____ umalis ka daw ng hapon” (Where did you go? We thought you drowned. ___told us that you left the cottage this afternoon) He said in a motherly voice filled with concern. This gave me comfort; I’m starting to like Ryan as a mother.

“Nakita ko po kasi yung kaibigan ko. Nag kwentuhan po kami sa cottage nila” (I saw my friend, we went to his cottage to catch up and talk) during that age, I wasn’t a big fan of the word “Po” or “Opo”. But for some odd reason, I had to show respect for Ryan not just because he is the sponsor of our trip, but because I’m starting to think of him as my mother. ***PO or OPO a sign of respect to elders***

“Maligo ka pag katapos ni Paolo tapos mag-didinner na tyo. Iniwan mo pa pala yung cellphone mo dito kaya walang maka-contact sayo. Sa susunod mag paalam ka ha?” (After Paolo, you take bath. We’re having dinner after. You left your mobile phone inside the cottage that’s why nobody was able to contact you. You tell somebody where you’re going next time ok?) I hung my head like an 8 year old boy who was just been scolded by his mother.

The dinner was uneventful. It took forever to get our food served and another lifetime to get our bill. I saw a lot of wandering eyes and I was so happy to be there. I also noticed that there are more people outside at night! I remembered that I was invited at an orgy party! I checked the time to find out that I was already late for that. I told Ryan and Paolo about the invite and Paolo got excited about it that made Ryan mad. After dinner, they weren’t really talking to each other and I was caught in the middle of it. I tried to make things better but got bored eventually I made my escape from both of them to watch “HIYAS NG PUERTO”, a gay competition. I was laughing my ass off as a contestant named OSANG took the stage and made the other constants look like shit. He or she wasn’t pretty but he sure was funny! After the contest, I followed a pack of guys heading towards the darker side of the beach and there I saw Paolo.

“Huy! Tang-ina ka! Hinahanap kita!” (You motherfucker! I was looking for you!) Paolo said as he grabbed me by the shoulder.

“Ang corny niyo kasama eh kaya tumakas nako. Asan si Ryan?” (You guys are not fun to be with that’s why I took off. Where’s Ryan?) I asked

“Tinakasan ko din” (I blew him off) We both laughed.

“Lapit na tyo sa Golden Kweba” (We’re near the Golden cave) he said with excitement and I too was saw PLENTY of guys standing in groups and some in twos and threes. As we passed by, guys were checking us out but there were no hardcore action going on so we decided to initiate the party. Paolo and I took off our clothes and started kissing. We began to get attention as guys started to come near us. I whispered in his ear as we pretended to caress each other “Ano na?” (Now what?) Paolo whispered back “Di ko alam eh” (I don’t know too). We continued kissing each other and caressing each other till finally people started to take on our lead. While we were kissing, someone was touching our bodies while others encouraged us to go do more things by grabbing our ass. Paolo and I continued kissing each other then suddenly I felt someone going down on me! I opened my eyes and saw two guys giving me and Paolo head! It was so hot! I went back to kissing Paolo and then suddenly it was all over! I reached my point and exploded. After a while, Paolo did the same and we took our clothes and went to the beach to go skinny dipping. We were both happy and laughing, bathing under the moonlight naked and carefree! A couple of guys followed us but our job was over. We were just there to enjoy the moon, the cold water and our bonding!
“Putang-ina ang saya!” (This so fucking happy!) I started laughing.

After awhile it became awkward as more guys came to the beach to watch us skinny dip. We grabbed our clothes, got dressed and went back to the bars to look for Ryan. It was quite an experience; I was having the time of my life! I never wanted this vacation to end! We went to this bar and both started to dance. I asked Paolo if he has any money he said just the 100 that Ryan gave him earlier. I also have my 100 with me so we both went to a bar and ordered booze. “Low bread na tyo parekoi” (We’re low on cash my man) I told Paolo. “Diskarte tyo? (Let’s find a way). We saw a couple of oldies and went toward their direction. We started dirty dancing in front of them and started kissing each other in-front of them. The old guys were all smiles and seem to be enjoying the show. I went up to them and introduced my myself. I noticed that they weren’t having beers. I asked them what they were drinking and they let me take a shot at it. I gulped down a glass of pink drink with apples on it. As soon as that substance hit my mouth-I was in love! “Mindoro Sling” One of the guy told us the name of the drink.




“Tang-ina hindi ko na kaya uminom! Baka hindi ko na alam kung saan ako pulutin nito! Wala pa naman kaming cottage ngayon” (Mother fucker! I can’t drink anymore! We have no cottage for tonight!) I said loud enough to hear our current booze sponsor to entice them to get more drinks for Paolo and me. Paolo’s eyes and mine met and we both burst into laughter! What a load of bull crap! We don’t get drunk easily! It would take gallons to take both of us down! But our current sponsor was generous enough to keep the drinks flowing as long as we flirt with them.

After awhile, I excused myself to go pee and realized that I don’t know where the toilet is…Or if there is even a toilet! I started walking asking strangers for directions going to the nearest loo to take a piss. When I finally got there, there was a long line! I decided to walk a little further to take a piss on the sand. After peeing, I walked back to the bar then I saw my ultimate crush at the same bar as I was! I introduced Paolo to my ultimate crush and his suitor and the 4 us danced! Paolo and I totally forgot about our sponsors but it’s a good thing that my ultimate crush is kindda loaded and bought us pitchers of Mindoro Sling. We danced, flirted, kissed one another and when we were about to get drunk, my ultimate crush gave us E (ecstasy pill). We waited for the drug to kick in by dancing but when it finally hit us, the four of us were practically fucking on the dance floor!

Ultimate crush finally led us back to their cottage where we all lay in one bed naked and caressing each other. The four of us made sweet, sweet love. At around dawn, we went to the beach to go for a dip, hopping to get rid of our high but the fucking cold water made us higher. We went back to the cottage smoked and made out with each other.

Back in the cottage, I was in sitting position while ultimate crush was leaning his back on me. I wrapped my arms around him on a tight embrace while smelling his unscented hair. His suitor was lying down on his lap embracing Paolo. It was just perfect! I was in-love with the moment. The sky wasn’t too dark but wasn’t too blue either. I could feel everything around me and I was with 3 beautiful guys-one of them happened to be my ultimate crush. We were all silent, taking everything in. We occasionally talk to each other to break the silence or sometime we would make out with one another. The moment was just too pure, it was so sweet and we didn’t want to ruin it.

I was in paradise! It was one of the highest point of my life! I know one day when I’m old (if ever I reach old age) I can always look back at this memory and say “PUTANG INA! ANG HOT HOT KO!” (MOTHER FUCKER! IM SO FUCKING HOT) and laugh! Yes, it was wild! For some, it may be wrong but I was young and carefree! I don’t regret anything that transpired because at that moment, I know I was making memories and I know deep down that it was my only chance to experience the magic of Gallera for the first time. I was young and the night was mine! I danced the way I want to, fuck the way I want to and suck the way want to. I didn’t give shit about tomorrow! I was in Puerto fucking Gallera with no money and at the mercy of my friends sponsor! This is who I am! This is what my life is! I travel with no money and I manage to have a damn good time!

My second night in Gallera was just as fun as the first night, I hooked up with other guys but this time I wasn’t with my friend Paolo anymore (He was being guarded by Ryan). I was able to bang new guys I met on the beach and still manage to have a three way with my ultimate crush and his suitor. After Easter Sunday, We all bid our goodbyes to Gallera and head back to Manila-to our reality.

I lost contact with Paolo but remained good friends with Ryan. Ultimate crush and suitor never became a couple. I saw my cousin and her boyfriend during my last night at Gallera. They didn’t last very long and broke up. After a couple of years during my short stint in an asian country, I saw one of the guys who took videos of me while I was sleeping-He looked oh so gay wearing a "man" scarf and aviator shades (I believe only oriental race can pull that look off, but what do I know about fashion?). I… Well you know what happened to me

I was able to go back to Gallera but it wasn’t like before. A lot has changed since the first time I was there and every time I visit Gallera, it becomes less attractive (to me at least). They eventually closed the “Golden Kweba” (Golden Cave) and a lot of people opted to go to Boracay.

I will never forget my first Holyweek in Puerto Gallera! I’m g lad I took advantage of the place before the place turned dull. The people who have experienced Puerto Gallera during its glory days would sure know how wild the place is! I will (may) never get to do the things I used to do the first time I was there, but rest assured I don’t feel any regrets! I can't wait to go back to Galera but this time, not too hook-up but to drink pitchers of Mindoro Sling!!!Happy Easter (egg)!

****THE END****

Read More......

Puerto Gallera (Part1)

“Nandito na tyo!”(We’re here) A middle aged homosexual woke me up after an hour and a half boat ride from Batangas port going to White beach, Puerto Gallera. It was year XXXX and my first time to go to Puerto Gallera. Yesterday, I had no plans on going out of town, I just met up with my friend Paolo who asked me to go with him to his sponsor’s house and before I know it, the three of us we’re making plans!

We were so excited, it was also the first time I’m going out of town during the holy week. My friend promised that it’s going to be great! “24/7 lasingan at ang dami pwede ka-sex” (27/7 drinking spree and a lot of prospects for sex) he whispered. We took the bus from Manila going to Batangas Pier at around 4-5am to catch the first boat trip to a magical place called Gallera.

When I opened my eyes and saw a lot of people playing, laying and walking on the not-so-white sand of the beach. The last time I saw a beach was back in the province and it wasn’t this congested-but hey! I wasn’t complaining! I love where the action is. Paolo’s sponsor Ryan, was a middle aged gay man, who has the most motherly voice I have ever heard, he wasn’t ugly but even ten feet away, you’d know he was gay that’s probably why he has a hard time finding dates and just opted to become someone’s sponsor. Ryan took out his mobile phone and was calling some people as the three of us boarded out of the boat. “Putang-ina! Ang inet parang hell!” (Mother fucker! It’s so hot just like hell!) I told Paolo. He laughed and we followed Ryan while he was talking to someone over the phone giving him directions.

The street or walk way between the restaurants and cottages were narrow and was packed! I caught a lot of gazing eyes as we make our way and I saw a lot of yummy prospects in all directions. Finally, Ryans friend saw us and ushered us to the cottage which was not air-conditioned and we shared it with 5 other guys. We were briefly introduced and since I was there on a free ride I was made an extra effort to be polite and to memorize their names. We settled for a while then Paolo and I decided to hit the beach and explore. I asked Ryan if it was ok he just smiled and told us to meet him at Hiyas ng Puerto-a bar near the beach. Paolo asked for money but Ryan gave both of us 100 pesos each. We both ran outside the cottage and went site seeing!

“Ang daming tao! Ang saya saya!” (This place is packed! So happy!) I told my friend as we strolled on the walk way. It was still too hot for both of us to walk on sand.

“Mas masaya dito pag gabi! Pupunta tayo ng Golden Kweba”(It’s better at night time, we’re going to the Golden cave) He said with a smirk.

“Ano yun?” (What’s that?) I asked
“Seryoso ka hindi mo alam? Bakla ka ba?” (Are you serious you haven’t heard of it? Are you sure you’re gay?)
“Tado!” (Asshole!) I shot back.

“Madaming nagaganap dun pag gabi” (There’s a lot of action going on in that place at night)
“I loved it already!” I told myself. While we were walking and looking through some friendship anklet and bracelets a familiar face popped in-front of me.

“Ay poottaanng inaaa!” I was surprised to see my favorite cousin. I hugged her and she was laughing

“Wag mo sabihin na nag-kita tyo dito ha? Takas lang ako eh” (Don’t tell anyone that you saw me here ok? I didn’t asked permission) She said. She is my 2nd cousin from my father’s side of the family and happened to be my female counter part. As a matter of fact, I think we’re both running to be the next top black sheep of out clan.

“Sino naman ang sasabihan ko?” (Who am I going to tell?)

“Hehehe Oo nga. Sino kasama mo?” (Hehehe your right. Who are you with?)

“Tropa ko si Paolo” (My friend Paolo)”Paolo!” I yelled calling Paolo so I can introduce him to my cousin. When he was near I made a quick introduction.

“Anna, Paolo, Paolo, Anna, Adik, Adik..Ok?” The three of us laughed and I asked my cousin who she came with.

“Boypren, boyprenan ko, pero feeling ko bakla eh…Saan kayo stay? Gimik tyo mamaya gabi ah pakilala ko kayo shota ko bading” (My fling but I have feeling he is gay-lets party tonight, I’ll introduce you to my faggot boyfriend) Anna said and then disappeared on the crowd.

We strolled around the beach and then caught up with Ryan who was in a bar drinking cocktail. We haven’t even had breakfast nor lunch yet there he was on his 3rd cocktail talking to his friend who looked familiar. Ryan introduced both of us to his friend and later on I realized that Ryans’ friend works as a newscaster on one of the popular channels in Manila. Ryan ordered us a couple of round of beers and some finger food to fill up our empty stomachs. It’s a vacation! Who said, you can’t get drunk before 4pm? Feeling a bit tired and woozy from the lack of sleep the previous night, the hot weather, the alcohol on an empty stomach, I excused myself to go back to the cottage to take a nap.

While I was walking a guy ran and brushed me off then put something on my hand. I thought he was going to rob me! I looked at the piece of paper he gave me and was surprised to read this:

Orgy Tonight at 7:30pm Call/Text 09XXXXXXX for more details. Keep the note as proof of invite

I smiled and felt so honored (like an honor student) to be invited. I kept the note inside my pocket. When I got to our cottage, 2 guys were sleeping on separate futons. I didn’t know where to sleep so I decided to take furthest futon that was near the toilet. I took off my shirt changed my basketball shorts to a pair of boxers and slept. I woke up and I heard two voices laughing and whispering at each other then I felt hands groping my crotch and another pair of hands fondling my nips. Then I felt tongue entered my ears. Normally, I’d allow these things to happen-fuck! I’d even initiate it! I mean, come-on! Can you imagine a better way to wake up than this? But for some reason, it didn’t felt right. True enough when I opened my eyes I saw the two dudes who were sleeping earlier. The other guy was fondling me while the other hand was touching my crotch with one hand while the other hand was holding a nokia7650 and taking videos of me!

****To Be Continued****

Read More......

BANANAQUE

Naalala mo? parati tayong hahabulan pero parati ka nauuna sakin? Hahahaha Ang saya saya talaga ng mga panahon na yun no? Kahit wala mashadong may gusto makipag-laro saatin-tayong dalawa lang eh ok na. Tuwing hapon dumi-dekwat ako ng pambili natin ng bananaque tapos tambay na tyo ng plaza paikot ikot lang at pinagkukuwentuhan natin ang walang kawawaan na mga bagay. Pangarap mo maka-punta ng Amerika, ako naman pangarap ko sunugin ang probinsya natin.

Lumipas ang ilang taon, naging magkaibigan pa din tyo. Gaya ng dati tumatambay pa din tyo sa plaza pero may cough syrup nang tinitira. Cola ang paborito kong flavor habang orange naman ang sa iyo, sasabayan natin ng tig isang bote ng COLT 45 sabay lilipad na tyo-palutang lutang, pa-ikot ng plaza. Sabi ng mga matatanda na galing sa simbahan mga bugoy daw tayo, mga patapon ang buhay, ang sabi naman natin sa kanila matatanda na sila at amoy lupa na. Walang pakialamanan ng trip basta masaya, go lang ng go!

Naalala mo nung nakulong ang utol mo sa pagnanakaw? Ni hindi natin pinag-usapan yun kahit ang buong lecheng barangay eh pinag-ppyestahan ka sa mga chissmiss. Kumain lang tyo ng bananaque at lumaklak ng cola flavored cough syrup at fly lang ulit ng fly! Nung ako naman eh lumayas sa poder ng bruha kong Tita at Impakto kong Lolo, tinulungan mo ko lumipat sa bahay ng kaklase ko pero di ka nagtanong kung bakit ako lumayas… alam ko namang alam mo ang sitwasyon ko eh. Buong Barangay din eh updated sa mga isyu ko sa buhay. Nakakatawa no? Bakit kaya di natin tinatanong sa isa’t isa mga bagay bagay na yun?

Pagkatapos ng High-school, nagpaalam nako sayo at sinabi kong lalayasan ko na ang impyernong probinsya habang ikaw naman eh maninirahan na sa bayan. Pag dating ko dito sa Maynila hindi nako lumingon ulit. Kapag umuuwi ang Nanay ko sa atin, nakikita ka pa daw niya at kinakamusta mo pa ako. Ako naman eh walang paki-alam at tutungo na lang sa nanay ko na nagbalita sakin. Fast forward,iang araw nabalitaan ko na may asawa ka na at ako ang ninong sa una among anak. Aba! Ano ba malay ko sa anak mo? Ni hindi ko nga alam na kinasal ka na pala tapos ako pa ninong sa anak mo?!

2 years ago, binukan ko ang friendster ko at nakita ko na may friend request na galing sayo, pero block kita. Iba na kasi buhay ko dito. Mas masaya nako dito, hindi nako lumalaklak ng cough syrup cola flavor kasi. Nag bago na ang taste ko isa pa, muka ka kasing kalabaw sa picture mo dun at ang dami mong friends na taga saatin na naka-add sayo. Ayko na makakita ng tao na galing sa impyerno nating barangay!

Ang yabang ko no? Aba dapat lang! Ang taas ng ihi ko? Symepre naman! Nakawala ako sa’atin eh! Wala na nga ako balak bumalik! Ni ayoko nga maalala na taga saatin tyo eh! Nawala na din ang punto ko. Wala nang mag-aakala na galing ako sa probinsya natin. Pinagaralan ko talaga mawala ang kadiring punto natin. Ayoko na ma-trace ako sa atin! Lugar ng mga chissmoso at chissmosa! Yabang ba? Hindi naman, ganyan ko talaga ka-hate ang lugar natin.

Kanina pag uwi ko galing trabaho, sinalubong ako ng nanay ko. Oo gising pa siya- hindi sha adik, inaantay lang talaga nya ako “anak si Danillo, yung kalaro mo dati patay na” bungad niya sakin. “Ok” sabay talikod at akyat papuntang kwarto ko. Patay ka na pala hindot ka! Nauna ka na naman sakin. Ikaw kasi eh adik ka eh! Hilig mo makipag unahan sakin. Ang tae ng timing mo! Balak ko pa naman umuwi sa’atin ngayong undas. Dadalawin pa naman sana kita pati pamangkin ko na hindi ko nga alam pangalan eh! Balak ko pa naman sana makipag inuman sayo plaza at lumaklak ng cola flavored cough syrup gaya ng dati pero gago ka, di mo ko hinintay. Alam mo hindi ko alam kung malungkot ako sa balita o naiirita eh. Ganyan ka naman parati eh. Pasensha na naging kupal ako dati ah, wag ka mag-alala pag uwi ko sa’atin dadalwin ko mag ina mo at dadalhan ko ng regalo anak…Teka, babae ba sha o lalaki? Dalawin din kita, mag-iiwan ako ng orange flavor cough syrup hehehe.

Hay buhay nga naman, parang life talaga. Kitakits na lang sa heaven! Una ka na muna jan, saka na tyo mag-kwentuhan, dito muna ako at enjoy pa ko dito, isa pa madami pa kong kakainin na bananaque.

****WILL POST ENGLISH VERSION AS SOON AS I GET SOME REST SO DON'T BOTHER EMAILING ME FOR A TRANSLATION****

Read More......

MARKO

It was 10:00pm when I woke up last Saturday. I must have dozed off while watching TV when I got home from work. My body is telling me to go back to sleep but my head wanted me to get out of bed. Once again I was faced with another decision to make if I’d listen to what my body wants or what my mind needs. I closed my eyes and waited to go back to never land (Dream land stupid!-Not Michael Jacksons house) but it was too late. As always my mind won. I got out of bed went to the toilet to take a piss and splash water on my face.

After washing my face, I stared at myself in the mirror. When was the last time looked at myself for a long time?-Oh yeah! The last time I did that was last year when I was overdosing. I do not consider myself as a vain person. I don’t like mirrors (except in motels-don’t ask why!)I have 1 tiny green mirror that I bought for Php5.00 and I can only stare at myself on the mirror for just a couple of seconds. I don’t believe that I have low self esteem because to be honest, I can pass as a cocky person. My self confidence has nothing to do with the way I look, but more of the way I feel. I can go out wearing shorts, sandals and a shirt with holes on it and I’d still feel confident (I’ve done it numerous times for fucks sakes!)

“Wow! You’re starting to look like shit” I told the person in front of the mirror. He doesn’t look 25, he looks more like 30! Skin is not as light as before and there are blemishes that weren’t there before, I noticed also noticed that my eye bags are starting to get a little dark despite the fact that my sponsor before had them done ages ago (Yes, I admit, my eyes are no longer natural). Holy Fuck! I’m getting old!

I stayed in front of the mirror brushed my teeth while studying my face, noticing the changes and marveling at how fugly I’ve become…Then something deep inside me emerged. I bent my head upper exterior to spit on the sink and when I looked up in the mirror again I saw a younger version of me smiling.

“Marko?”

“I’m going out tonight” Marko said with a sneer

“But you can’t…” I fought back trying not to unleash Marko, the person I used to be when I was at the peak of my slutiness (NEW WORD: SLUTINESS hehehe).

“The fuck I can and I will. You can come along but you have to behave ehehe” He said.

That was it; I unleashed my inner demon-the younger, slutier version of me. Tonight E is taking the back seat and I’m letting the devil drive. Marko texted another blogger PULSAR asking if he is going out but unfortunately he has his own night out. You think that would ruin Marko’s night out? Not a fucking chance! He got dressed and went out of the house with no plan at all!

“Where are you taking me?” I asked

“You’ve been a good boy for so long and tonight will be your reward”

With that Marko and I went inside a cab! I almost never take cabs unless I have no choice! But this fucking kid just went inside the cab anyway!

“Manong Malate” (Malate Sir) He told the driver.

“Fucking shit! I’m not a big fan of Malate, especially when I’m alone! What the fuck?!”I protested

“Didn’t I ask you to shut-up and behave?” He retorted

We arrived in Malate pass 11pm. The place was packed with Twinkies and there were a few yummy 30s-40s guys. I started to panic. I’m not used to this crowd anymore. This is not my scene! But Marko is a persistent little bitch, he was calling all the shots. We went inside a bar and started smoking.

“So is this your plan? Waste my money and people watch?” I asked the little bitch

“I’m just getting started. Now you have to listen. I need you to shut up and just enjoy the moment, stop being too fucking uptight”

Marko ordered cocktail drink and finished it in seconds! He ordered another one plus a beer to get that quick “tama” feeling. He saw a couple of decent looking young guys in the corner and he immediately went to their direction. It was kind of crowded and kind of dark. I normally don’t like guys my age or younger than me but it was Marko who is calling the shots so I just let loose!

Marko made his move on the kids. He was dancing with one of them and the kids seemed not to mind that their space was being invaded by this stranger. After a couple of minutes more Marko’s hands were on the kids’ waist and dancing dirty to them. I couldn’t believe what was happening! After exchanging names, the three of them got into talking.

Marko: Ilan taon na kayo? (how old are you guys?)

Kid1: 20

Kid2: 21 ikaw? (You?)

Marko: 22

What a complete fucking lie! There’s no way I can pull 22 off! What the hell is he doing?

Marko: Aral kayo o work na? (You guys working or studying?)

Kid1: Aral pa kami (We’re students)

Marko: Ahh I see, mag-shota kayo? (Are you guys together?)

Kid1: Hindi Kaibigan lang (No were friends)

Marko: Ahh so pwede kita ikiss hindi sha magagalit? (Ah so I can kiss you and he won’t get mad?)

Kid1 was smiling like a fucking high school bitch. That’s what I hate about young guys-almost everyone is pretending to be a virgin, they tend to beat around the bush. Since Marko is not a patient guy and hates beating around the bush, he didn’t wait for the kid to answer and he just kissed him right there in front of his friend and the crowd of dancing homosexuals.

Marko turned to the kids friends and asked “Di ka galit ah?” (You’re not mad right?)The second kid shook his head and just smiled. He was too irresistible so He grabbed the back of the kids head and pulled him towards his face and kissed him as well. They danced and kissed and Marko got drunk. After sometime he went to the toilet to take a piss and people were touching his crotch as he passed by. When he got to the toilet there was a line so he waited outside for awhile but also to check out the guys who were standing there. A nice looking guy went up to him and asked for his number. I immediately intervened “0918______” I gave him a wrong number but Marko was a devil bitch, he took the guys hand and put in inside his pants. The guy got horny and started sucking Marko’s face. The thing is I needed to break off our make out session because his fondling made me want to pee even more.

The CR was uneventful so after peeing, Marko went back to my boys and was happy to still see them there. He immediately started flirting with the kids and kissing them both while letting them feel his crotch area.

After God knows how long, the crowd beside us started to notice my slutiness and how I flirt with the kids. They were giving us signals that they wanted to join in the fun. Marko was kind enough to entertain 2 more and then he invented this game called “Kiss and Hello”. The concept of the game is to make out for 2 minutes before you exchange names-how very slutty is that? At around 4am, Marko was kind a drunk and tired and he told the kids that he wanted to leave.

KID1: Saan ka umuuwi(? (Where do live?)

MARKO: sa _______

KID2: May place kami jan lang sa _____ (We have a place nearby)

MARKO: Pwede makitulog? (Is it ok to crash to get some sleep?)

KID1: Oo naman (Why not?)

MARKO: Sure ka tulog lang?(Are you sure it’s just sleep?) He smiled and I squeezed kid1s’ ass.

KID2: Tara (Lets go)

The three of us went out of the bar, hailed a cab and went to the Kids condo. Marko got very excited once inside the cab but once again, I had to intervene. When we got to the place, I took out my cell phone and pretended to read a text message. “ Fuck! Oist! Mauna nako! Nag-text sakin lover ko”(I have to leave, my lover is texting me already) I casually told the kids but they looked disappointed. I gave both of them long hard French kiss and pretended to get their numbers. I went out of the building and it was already morning. The lady MMDA was sweeping the streets and some joggers passed by me.

I hailed a cab, went inside the back seat and told the driver where to go. I was so beat! My head hurts like hell, my lips are numb, my body is so tired but I had a fucking blast! For one night I wasn’t HIV positive, for one night I left my worries behind and let loose! For one night I was young again-I was Marko once again! I closed my eyes with a smile on my face and slept inside the cab.


****For one night I was able to relive a part of me that was lost because I had to grow up. I am very happy because I needed that night out. I didn't have sex with anyone that night because I forgot to bring a condom and I'm not comfortable sleeping with someone who doesn't know about my status. I tweaked the story a little bit because the kids might be reading this blog he he he he.

For one night I set aside my worries and became 22 once again. I flirted like a two peso man whore and drink like a fish! the night was mine and I had to make the most out of it. Deep down i knew that tomorrow I'll wake up with the harsh reality that I am HIV positive and that I'm not 22.

Being HIV positive is like waking up from the matrix. You tend to see things differently but sometimes, you need to go back to the matrix. Sometimes, you have to go back to a lie even for just one night to give you strength to go on for another day. I am after all (like you) only human****

Read More......