Change is something, that I never really liked. For the past 28 years-I have always thought of myself as someone who'd just sail through life. There were alot of ups and downs but there has always been something that remained as it is...until now. I have been through a lot of deep shit, lost alot of battles, failed countless of times and rejected- During those trying times, I have felt defeat, lost and weary but there is always something to look forward to that I know deep down If I could just hibernate for while-take a breather then I'm up for the next challenge of this so called fucking life.
2012, the blue pill has worn off its effect. No more escaping from what is infront of me. Now, I say good bye to a life I thought I had and say hello to reality. Now, I pay for the consequences for the years of not taking responsibility. The time has come for me to jump off the boat and swim in the icy cold waters of adulthood. Am I ready? I have to say YES, but deep down, I'm not okay but I have to do this. This is the perfect timing to REALLY move on to the next chapter of my life. I know it's going to be tough, I know it will make me want to put a bullet in my brain but fuck! This is what I have to do...Come to think of it, THIS IS WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE YEARS AGO!
I look around me and I realize, I am being left behind...Not that I compare myself to others but surely who'd want to be left behind? I shouldn't be catching up-but I should be keeping up. I am saying goodbye to the life I though I once have and say hello to the life WANT to have. Everybody should start from the beginning, sad to say--it is only now that I am really starting. I hope I am not too late. I'm just hoping that at the end, I come out of this a better, stronger person.
The Start of this year wasn't the best but I'm wishing that the ending of this year wouldn't the same. In this trying times, It is hard to see whats infront of you--but now I just realized, I am thankful that I have a wonderful partner who may not be as vocal as he wants to be, but is quietly routing for me--for us. He is my family right now. He is my home. For that I thank God for giving me 1 person to be on my side.
This morning, I attended a surprise party for my Aunt. I couldn't help but feel emotional when she saw all her friends and family in one room cheering for her. It was her first time to ever experience a surprise party. I felt love in the air and I couldn't help but feel jealous...Not of her-but my cousins (her daughters and son). Why can't she be mom? I am not saying I am the perfect son, and I know people are rolling their eyes thinking "How could you ask for such a thing?!" But believe me, it is also true that kids never asked to be born---they were pre-assigned to their parents. Had I known when I was fetus, I would have grabbed that umbilical cord and tied it around my neck.
We were never asked to be born but here we are and we make the most of it. Some are destined for greatness, and some are just...well...destined. Have you seen that coke comercial? "Hanapin mo magpapasaya sayo?" Thats alot of bull crap. For the past 28 years I have lived with that premis and take a look at me now? I am not saying I'm all bad....I don't know, I really can't say! I guess in the end-thats where we get measured.
I'm suppose to say something profound and enlightening but I'm lost for words. All I can think of is FUCK!!!! SAVE ME!!! FAST FORWARD TO 2013 or the end of the world. I know I'll be fine. Thats the funny part of being human...We adapt to our environment...Thats what we have been doing since the beginning of time. Of course someday I'll think of this very moment and laugh it off-but its the process of getting to be okay is whats killing me...That plus the fact that when that faithful day arrives....Will be laughing at the side of a street corner covered in grease almost naked and insane? or will I be laughing it off at the roof top of my penthouse overlooking all my slaves worshiping me? SEE!!! I'm almost delusional already lolz.
One of my strengths is that I can read people. I am quick to analyze and make snap decisions turn into reality. Unfortunately, my situation right now, I can only make assumptions. I guess, its time to lay off the blue pill...time to sober up, put on your best fighting face even if you feel you can't do it and just charge! At the end, some will die, some will conquer but all did try their best.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Saturday, January 21, 2012
?!?!?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Like a FLy on HOt Fresh Shit
"nope, done, done, nope, maybe...,nope.Ah!!! there you go!" (me browsing/shopping at my friends friends list)
***add as friend, poke***
after 5mins "**** has accepted your friend request"
I clicked on chat and saw him online. Perfect! I clicked on his name to pop out the chat box.
ME: hi!
***: hey
ME: sex
***: kelan?
ME: ngayon na
***: loc?
ME: sa ____
***: Number?
ME: 09----------
***: ligo lang tapos alis nako text sa directions
ME: k
Nice, its exactly what I wanted...Less bullshit and straight to the point. None of those "i hope to be your friend" or "you look nice, I hope to know more about you" drama. After a couple of hours, I picked him near my place. He is taller than I am, olive skin tone and yummy. Problem is, I made him wate for a couple of mins and he looked pissed. I introduced myself and he just nodded. No "Hi", no "nice meeting you" nothing. "Oh well, at least I won't have to bother with small talk and just get it on. This would be good and quick" I told myself as I walked ahead of him, leading the way to our place.
Once inside my room, I went right into it, No more "make yourself comfortable" or "have a sit" I just kissed him and unbuckled his pants, he did the same. We tried different positions until finally, we both came buckets. I got up to grab a towel to wipe sweat and saliva-sprayed alcohol but then I went back to him to make out some more. I don't normally do this kind of stuff with hook ups. I may-MAY flirt for awhile playful flirtation not cuddly cuddly kissy kissy. I noticed he wasn't in a hurry to get dressed, "Hmmm maybe he is also tired and just wanted to rest for awhile, I think making stay for 15 more minutes is alright." So we kissed and the unthinkable happened...I fell asleep on top of him while we were making out. LOLZ
After God knows how long it has been, I woke up and it was already dark outside - time for dinner. I thought, maybe feed him before sending him home although I never-NEVERRRR feed hook ups. Why the fuck should I? After the nice fuck, I usually send them home-I need my alone time after sex. Anyway, I served him dinner inside my room. I cooked a really horrible Laing earlier that no one but me was eating. It was terrible! I undercooked half of it and then burned the other half....I forgot to put seasoning so it its just like eating wet undercooked/over cooked leaves. LOLZ Anyway, he was able to finish it all up.
I thought we was going to leave but he seemed comfortable laying on my futon waiting for me to lie next to him again...HHHmmm no sign of leaving anytime soon. I forgot what lame excuse I said for him to leave but he asked if he could stay a little bit longer, there was something in him that I couldn't say "no"...So he stayed for awhile....and then a while became a week, and then months...and then a year...and now it has been a year and so months and we're still together.
I don't know exactly how long we have been together since we don't celebrate monthsaries-and theres no exact date when we became official LOLZ but hey! Nobody's counting.
They say we are an odd couple, since our set up isn't exactly the norm but I don't really care. Whats important is that he's happy, I'm happy, we're together and we love each other. So babes, I wasn't expecting for someone like you---I never asked for you, I was just looking for someone to scratch my itch that day but just like a fly on a hot fresh shit, you kept hanging around me and for that I am honored (like an honor student). I love you more each day (KESO!) and proud to be your babes. Mwah, Mwah, Tsup, Tsup!
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