It all started with a crash..It all started with me falling down the stairs..It all started with me missing the shit…It all started with me..just me..I wish not to be judged…What I’m going through is not like in the movies or some book you read…I don’t expect people would understand-I have my reasons and yes, they are dumb & stupid…
I’m sorry..I’m so sorry… I’m taking full responsibility for my actions and I’m not blaming anyone but me. I’m so sorry…
Friday night, I went to a friend's pad (Sad a clan member) to partee. I invited cousin over but he told me that he is off the stuff so I asked him if he could just keep me company make sure I don’t do anything stupid. He asked me several times not to partee since I’ve been clean for so long but I wouldn’t listen to him. I just told him that I needed to do this 1 last time..I arrived first and by the time cousin showed up we already dropped (took E) we were just waiting for the hits. Sad asked cousin if he would like to drop but cousin declined. I also told Sad that cousin is off the shit. Everything was going smoothly…My hits were steady (like coke) but I was not satisfied with it..I wanted to get high like I used too. I was not used to being steady so I asked for FU (follow up)..I snorted ketmain too to kick the high instead, my journey was like coke…Everything was neon pink (could be lavender or purple) and everybody was bowing down to me. It was like I was their master.. “This is so gay” I laughed at my hits.
After that journey, I was drinking extra joss and beer so I could retain my hits and hopefully I get really high or what I’d like to call “gulay amats” (vegetable)..Have you ever experienced being so high that you are unable to talk and move? Everything is so beautiful and relaxed?-that’s Gulay high..That was what I was trying to achieve. Sad told me that on the top floor, mom and dad was there having their own mini partee and they we’re inviting me over and to make it more interesting, an actor/model was there too. I was tempted but I promised cousin not to leave him and a big part of me is not ready to see Mom and Dad just yet. Sad told us that he was just going up to see Mom and Dad-but I know he wanted to have sex with model/actor. I didn’t mind, I wanted to have my alone time with cousin to talk about stuff.
When Sad left I dropped another pill and swallowed it down with beer. I forgot what we were talking about I think we we’re talking about the clan and the people we hated. We were laughing and then I got bored because I already dropped 3 tabs and still I wasn’t getting my desired high so I did some lines and one by one I made them disappear by snorting them with the help of a tiny straw…Still, nothing…I was thinking-This is it? This is fucking it? I thought after 5months of being clean I was hoping to get super high but nada…So cousin and I just talked then suddenly..I felt my heart ached…It was so painful that I was jolted to stand up. Cousin asked what’s wrong. I immediately went to the kitchen to look for food and saw potato chips..I immediately started munching it down with the help of water I was able to swallow. Oh my god…Not again!! I thought to myself..My heart started to pound harder and faster..This time, I couldn’t breath! I grabbed cousin and asked him to call Sad. I was about to OD!! But Sad left his phone so it’s just me and cousin.
I went inside the bathroom turned on the yellow light and I splashed my face with water…when I closed my eyes I journeyed that I was texting everybody..That I was saying I’m sorry and Goodbye…I saw my life for the past 5 months and I was happy! I felt contented with my present situation..My online journal, People I met and helped get tested for HIV, being with my family, finishing a semester at school, meeting interesting and good people and then all of sudden I know I was ready to die..The feeling that I’ve been a good person for 5 months and I’m contented with everything..That I couldn’t ask for anything more..That I’m ready…I got scared! My next journey was me smiling and going inside a casket..I saw some of the clan members, the other cliques I hang out with laughing while I go inside the casket..I got scared I went outside the bathroom and I was looking for food but what I grabbed was chocolate! Fucking chocolate! I ate 3-6 pieces of chocolate hoping that sugar would help me go down…Instead, my heart pounded even faster and I was gasping for air…I couldn’t call for help since I was choking and after a minute I could breathe again and I asked cousin to go down with me…I told him I was ODing and I need to walk it off I need to sweat it out. He suggested that we go to 711 and buy milk so we walked..
It was already dawn…the sun was about to rise..Every now and then I would feel my heart about to burst and gasping for air but I was fighting it off…I kept telling myself “Mind over matter! Mind over matter! Mind over matter!” iI helped a bit when we got to 711 I bought fresh milk..I was able to gulp it down in less then 5mins and we made our way back to the pad. When we got there Sad was already in the room and asked us where we went so cousin told him everything…Sad…still enjoying his hits didn’t care-why should he? He doesn’t want to get BV (bad vibes). He asked my to snort kets but I refused…I told him I’ll just rest for a while and try to sleep it off..He snorted kets and journeyed while I tried to sleep but every time I close my eyes my heart would start beating fast and I couldn’t breathe!
Cousin was beside me but he fell asleep..I couldn’t blame him he was not on any drug just beer and I know that he is tired.. Instead of asking for his help, I went to the bathroom again..I saw a hair dryer and I automatically switched it on and let he heat burn my face..My neck and my body..I need to sweat it off! I could feel my chest aching again I was getting tired…this is torture! I’m seeing things again..When I looked in the mirror I saw my face and I could see veins on my head and I was turning red..Tangina ayoko pa mamatay!! Di pa ko handa!! (Mother fucker I don’t want to die! I’m not ready yet!) I told myself..During one of my attacks I saw myself lying inside the coffin with a big smile…there were times that I would see myself smiling and jumping out of the rooftop.
I tried calling people but for some fucked up reason I can’t connect to any body’s cell phone number! Fuck! Is this it? Is this end of me? It’s like the universe is telling me to die! But I can’t die! At that moment I cannot think of any reason for me to live but my will to survive is greater than any chemical shit! I started texting people…asking for help…One came to the rescue..Mr. Hubs..He called me and kept me awake..I wanted to doze off and give in and just drop dead but Mr.Hubs called…I immediately went out of the condo and went out of that building..It was hard for me talk I couldn’t talk properly..I was walking along EDSA, the sun was already up..I needed the heat of the sun to sweat..Every time I would try to stop my heart beats fast and I stopped breathing so I just continued on walking while I was on the phone with Misterhubs..He was kind enough to meet me somewhere..While I was walking I remembered that it’s the 3rd time I OD'ed..I used to say that 3 is my favorite number and it was the 13th of the month…Fuck! Now the drug is making me paranoid!
Misterhubs told me that he needs to hang up because he was driving and to wait for me.. I continued to walk even though my feet hurt and my body was dead tired..I was playing catch with death along Edsa! There was one time during my walk that I’m just so tired…I wanted to cross the highway and hopefully get hit by a bus so this fucked up feeling would end but No! I can’t die like that..It’s too cheap..I hallucinated that the girl who died from OD last year was walking beside me..She was staring it me poker faced…Great! Now I’m seeing things! By this time I was semi crying because I was tired and scared…My only motivation for me to continue walking is the fact that I’m walking along Edsa…I can’t die on the side street! That is too tragic!I was crying and cursing! I was fighting the demons…Stay alive! Stay alive! I wanted to go to a hospital but I know I don’t have the money for that…
When I saw Misterhubs I went inside his car…I was sweating like a pig and I still have the chills..I was able to talk but every now and then I would stop because my chest would start to ache and I couldn’t breathe..After a couple of minutes, cousin called looking for me..I asked him to get my things and meet me outside the condo building. When I saw him he didn’t bring my things. I introduced him to Misterhubs and I told them what happened. I told cousin I ate chocolate and he told me that chocolate would make things worst! He said chocolate is the medicine for ketamin overdose and not ecstasy....I was sweating like a pig inside Mr.Hubs’ car ..It was like I was in the sauna..I could see Misterhubs was a bit shaken..I know he isn’t used to this kind of life and everything was new to him but he was such a big help…He saved my life for the second time..And this was only the second time to meet him…He is an angel!
Cousin gave me his sweater and asked me to wipe my dripping sweat..I apologized to Misterhubs for sweating inside his car..I know it was gross. I realized that I was wearing women’s sandals!! When I saw my feet I was wearing this silver ladies sandals with really short heels (about half an inch) I didn’t even realized it! We kinda laughed about it then Cousin tried to break the BV mode (bad vibe) by talking to Misterhubs and telling him a funny story. When I was a bit better cousin and I thanked Misterhubs for the company and we got out of his car. Cousin told me that Misterhubs was such a great friend and asked if he was dating someone. I laughed and said “mamatay nako uunahin mo pa hook up?-oo may asawa na sha matagal na sila” (I’m dying and your thinking about hooking up? Yes he is married and they have been together for so long!)
We went back to Sad’s pad to get my things..We thanked Sad for the “great time” and cousin kept me company..We just took the bus from north going to the south. Cousin was with me the whole time. I kept telling him that I almost died..And he kept reminding me not to crash..I said how could I crash when I’m too overwhelmed that I was able to survive. Good thing about cousin is that he knows me too well…He kept me upbeat by telling funny stories I know that he was tired but he just kept on yapping and yapping even though every now and then I kept on spacing out. When I got home he just waited for me to get inside the house then he left..I wanted him to come inside and rest for a while but he said that he needed to attend a family thing in the afternoon. I thanked him for everything and I apologized.
I went inside my room and laughed! I also cried…I was laughing and crying at the same time because I was just so happy and lucky to be alive! I was crying because I gave in to drugs again...I was crying because I put my life in danger again and I was crying because I drag cousin and Misterhubs and a couple of more people to my shit…I was crying thinking, what if I wasn’t so lucky that time? My body would be discovered laying on a side walk along EDSA.. A fucking HIV junkie found dead wearing silver ladies sandals! It’s so funny! ITS JUST SO FUCKING FUNNY!! Is this how I want my life to be? A fucking joke? I stayed inside my room locked the door, closed the window and opened the lights. I need to sweat everything off! I could still feel residue of my hits but it wasn’t as bad as before but nonetheless my lungs and heart were too tired…too tired to palpitate…
I slept and woke up because of the heat and my pillow was soaking wet from perspiration. I went back to sleep again..When I woke up I tried to eat rice but I could only swallow 1 spoon full of rice and viand. I drank lots of water and I just stayed inside my room...no music no fan just white light…The silence was deafening..Millions of thoughts rushed through my brain... There were times that I was about to crash but it always over power the fact that I lived…I want help…I need help…I’m scared what If this happens again? I might not be so lucky…I remembered a book I once read when I was in highschool..”Go Ask Alice” I don’t know who the author was, all I can remember is that it’s an old book printed on the 70’s (courtesy of our province school library). The author of the book changed her life and got rid from drugs but ironically, she died from overdose. I remembered I stole that book from the library it was old and it didn’t have a cover and it’s worn out. But I loved that book..I turned my room upside down to look for that book but I just couldn’t find it…
I slept…I didn’t dream..It was just black…I was calm…I guess my brain was too tired to give me dreams but I didn’t mind…I was too tired of thinking…I was too tired of everything..I just want to rest and sleep…sleep…sleep…everything was black…no sound no feeling or emotion..no nothing..just black…Like I didn’t exist.. Like I was just an entity…No memory, no nothing…black..black..just black…until the next day.
I am not proud of what I’ve done…Some people are just too stubborn and dumb to learn their lesson…I feel ashamed for what happened to me..Not because I walked along EDSA wearing ladies sandals but the fact that I gave in to temptation…No amount of reasoning will justify my actions and why I did it. It is my fault and I know it. I’m so sorry for all the people who in a way, I got into my mess…Oj, Arbee, Dan, T, Misterhubs, Tristan Tan Tales, Bong, Mcvie…and most especially cousin…I’m so sorry…I know I’m an addict but I know this is the nth time to say this but I want to be better…This time its for real..I know I’ve disappointed you guys but like I said earlier…I’m not like you…It takes a person who is going on the same boat as I am to know what its like…Being sober is not so easy…Yes! I want to live! That’s why I’m still here…yes I choose life-but why I did what I just did?... You wouldn’t understand even If I explained it…All I can say is that I’m sorry…I’m so sorry for dragging you down with me and thank you..Thank you for the concern and support for the past 24hrs…
I want to be better..God help me be better! I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next coming days or weeks..I’m still shaken from the experience…I might seek out professional help soon..PCSO offers free pysch consultations I just need more details on how to go about it (still a fucking freeloader)..I’m only human..I still make mistakes & I’m still continuing my journey to recovery, I am not story book character who is magically transformed in one day..
I’ve crashed and fell down the stairs and there’s one thing I’ve realized….I’m one tough son of a bitch—I just won’t die…
After this, I am moving on…I’m saying goodbye to this scary incident..I will try to forget the details but I will not forget the feeling…I’ve been in this road before..I’ve Od'ed before… This is the 3rd and last... This is the end of my silver sandals.. I will never never wear silver sandals again…
42 comments:
"The feeling that I’ve been a good person for 5 months and I’m contented with everything.."
Never ever judge your goodness on the basis of avoiding drugs alone, for if you do, you will be boxed up with the thought that the only reason that is keeping you afloat is because you're avoiding it.
Truth be told. I broke my rule to avoid clubbing last night. I had to, to keep a friend company who is about to enter a gay club for the first time. I knew that once inside, I'd let loose my dancing demons and I did. I can never control it, dancing and flirting keeps me afloat.
We shall not talk of tomorrow for things remain uncertain. What I can assure you is that you are changing - you are attempting to make your life bigger and falling back is just part of the process.
They say in my college that writing is therapeutic. It heals whatever things are broken in you. In the end E, I think your blog will be your solace as you struggle for a change.
Continue your attempts. Write even your little achievements for it will remind you of how far you have gone. Embrace the crashes like it's a way of life. Think of solitude as an opportunity to rely on yourself more. When things get tough try to seek strength inside you. When I was nearly destroyed by some fears several months ago. I found strength in thinking that there are higher forces in the universe that guides my life. It worked. Remember always that there are good people who desire for you to succeed. It will be a struggle, but I know, you will find your way.
Have a great week ahead E. You're lucky you have a cousin and a Misterhubs to look after you when things get really really tough...
- Mugen
Experience is definitely the best teacher. The next OD experience becomes more intensed as it progresses, hopefully you wouldn't even think of going through it again. Stop being destructive, go constructive for a change. Not for the people around you, but for the people who loves you E. More than that, there is a God who loves you. Stop denying the fact that if you open up yourself to God, He will take you as you are and in an instant renew you to be the better person He wants you to be. Make a choice, live for God or die without His Love. Nobody has a right to condemn you for your actions, what you did, you just gotta do. But hopefully, learn from it and be a better person because of such experience. God bless you E!
When I was reading this post, my initial reaction was murahin ka.
(Fuck you E, anong pumasok sa isip mo!)
We do understand. Hindi lang naman ikaw ang dumadaan sa ganyan.
But the thing is, nasasayang yung effort mo. Ikaw na rin nagsabi. Marami kang nadidisappoint. Marami kaming nadidisappoint. You've been doing good. You're starting to redeem yourself. Don't let this end by such a simple mistake.
So please, let this experience teach you, once and for all, what you need to learn.
You can do this! We wouldnt be supporting you if you can't.
*Hugz*
...pahabol...
and no more silver sandals!
hahahahaha
Keep the sandals. Out of sight, so you don't wear them again. But you need to keep the sandals as a reminder of your demons.
Everytime you have the urge to go on remission, always remember the hassles,the discomfort that you bring upon yourself and the people around you. Take out the pair of sandals and ask yourself if you want the ecstasy again with all its attendant hassles.
If you say yes to the desire, sampalin mo kaya ang sarili mo ng sandals. Or walk around with them around the neighborhood, in your sober state, and experience how ridiculous you feel all over again.
This is a physical way of confronting your own demons.
Throw the sandals away only when you're absolutely sure you have no more bad vibes attached to it.(it took me a year to finally throw away my silver sandals...a prized miniature water pipe w/c i could keep in my shirt pocket for undetection at checkpoints.)
"Go Ask Alice" by Beatrice Sparks, Publisher Simon Pulse, March 5 1971
tell me .. have you hit rock-bottom yet?..
google e
hello e was kinda disappointed that you gave in to your temptation but as I read along I couldnt help but say that maybe it was for the better for you to see things clearly and to make you refocus on your goal to change. I wish nothing but the best for you e. with the help of people who truly care about you I pray that you be more stronger to face your demons. God bless e.
you deserve to die hon. sorry to say. salot sa lipunan
no need to apologize..I may have deserved it but then again i survived...not to worry next time I'll bring your mother along with me to hell @ Anonymous 2:17
nobody can help you except you...
I wouldn't call myself an addict, but I DO understand the temptation. If nothing else, just to make it all go away for a few hours ...
As for your episode though, all it shows me is that you are still human (and part time risen-angel)and all that that means. The biggest problem here is not that you relapsed, but that you are beating yourself up over it. Move on - it's a brand new day!
And next time you feel the urge and it's taking over, get in touch with me. You have my number. We can talk it through and if the decision is you "will" then lets set it up in a way that is safe - no risk of OD and no risk of unprotected sex. I'm not suggesting resume old habits - far from it, but know that there is a responsible safety valve available!
Over the last nine weeks, you have become my brother. I care about you E. Know it!
Hugs,
T
i don't know what to feel...
disappointed? hate you? slap you? kill you?
hell...who am i to judge...am a sinner myself...
-the geek
whoa..
been visiting your blog for quite some time now..and i cant help but comment..
nice
I just hope you learned from your mistakes E.:) I am only here to read and listen and not to judge. You know what's best for you...
You're fortunate that you have your friends who are ready to help anytime...
I'm gonna miss reading this blog... See you soon!
Just take care of yourself E! :)
My first reaction (after reading you gave in) was not continue reading this blog but then I realized, this is blog is your therapy and it give me sense of perspective.
I read through it removing the preconceived notions I have and the disappointment I have. It was your blog and it was your story. I was just hear to listen.
I sensed, on your writing, that you were guilty and you were disappointed on yourself. I also sensed that you missed the exhilarating feeling. For this reasons, I understand that despite everything you are living your life as humanely possible.
I just wish that next time, instead of responding to the need of excitement and exhilaration, you choose the responsible thing. Your life story (current) displays a good example of self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will. The past stories displays a reaction to certain needs. E, you can always make the responsbile choice. Before responding to any needs or wants, pause and re-evaluate using your self-awareness, imagination to the good deed, conscience on who will be affected and what will be affected and then excercise that choice.
You will always be someone who provides me perspective and your experiences are teaching me to think and pause before passing judgment.
There are many people who are willing to fight with you as you go for that change. I pray for your success. Your readers, cousin, and your family will be there.
Take Care Always!
be stronger next time ok... always remember there is always hope..
i am so inspired with your struggle to be sober. and am so glad to know that you have friends,like misterhubs, who supports you bigtime.
always believe that you could overcome everything, don't let your weakness be your folly but rather transform it as your strength.
it is in weakness that power reaches perfection.
i do hope you would reach your perfection.
God speed your efforts. I believe that you can do it.
nothing in life is easy...
every thing has its own time and place...
it's difficult not to give in... at the back of your mind you'll always here "one time only.. this will be the last"
you can either listen and give in.. but we hope you wont give in...
take care
b
life is good.. but only if we make it good.. life is bad too, but only because some people try to make other people's lives bad.. don't be the one to make your life bad... i know you're a tough guy and you have been through a lot.. you can make it- make your life worth surviving your 3rd harrowing episode.. i wish you good luck.. and my prayers...
i wish i could comprehend what you're going through. but i just can't. i just wish you happiness. may you see the light soon.
Dear E,
My heart bleeds for you.
Life is one big struggle.
There is always a choice.
My prayers and best intentions are with you.
April
I am a tad disappointed but I am glad that you yourself felt that way. You have acknowledge this failure but more importantly, you are going to try once more to stay away from drugs.
Like I said in my previous comments, one needs to plan ahead. Particularly with how one is going to deal with cravings or situations where drugs are offered. Remind yourself that cravings are normal but they pass with time; the less you give in to craving the weaker they become. Distract yourself. Plan alternative activities when drugs are offered. For every time you say no to drugs, reward yourself.
List the things that matter to you on a piece if card. Carry it around with you. It is hard to think rationally when faced with a strong craving. Take the card out and read it to remind yourself why you want to quit drugs.
There are countless little practical things you can do to help yourself. Courage has to come from within. Be brave. Once more, good luck and all the best.
I know how you feel. I'm no junkie, just heartbroken. I guess that's my drug. But yeah, ref to your previous posts, I've had times when I felt that I'd rather feel physical pain, die even, than feel the emotional hurt. And yeah, I've had my share of relapses. One time you're happy, the next moment you're miserable. I can't say it will be better but for sure, you are not alone. I feel the same, there are people who feel the same. We have to be strong. I take courage from you. Be strong. Good luck and God speed!
it is a struggle indeed..this is the reason why there is such thing as rehab and you are tough for doing it on your own.
be strong and don't drop dead along edsa wearing silver sandals :-)
Just chanced upon ur site through misterhubs.
i feel for u E, i know waht ur going thru. it really is not that easy! :(
Gago yang si anonymous 2:17!
Brilliant entry. VERY well written.
Brutal and honest and very funny too.
It would be a shame to lose such a talented smart guy to something unworthy of taking you from us.
I KNOW you will beat your demons.
We all have them.
You are not alone.
And I think you're a great person to write about your experience.
I have also OD's twice.
Both times on E and K.
Over ten years ago.
Once in Chicago and once in Sydney.
But I remember it as if it were yesterday.
I was in intensive care and they had a minister there to give me my last rights because they did not think I would survive.
But I did. Like you did.
Your time here is only just beginning my dear friend.
And yes Misterhubs is pretty darn cool too.
Take care and I will hope for you and for me.
So that we will both beat our demons and live happy full lives with texture and vibrancy.
Thank you all so much for the kind comments and emails-especially for anonymous 2:17 bitch...
wow..mister brian gorrel that is something we didn't know about you...
See anonymous 2:17..BG over dosed twice..that's 2x..quitting drugs is not easy and yes, I am determined to get better and no, I'm not salot sa lipunan like you and your mother...
hope you dont mind if i put you in my blog roll :)
My hugs, dude.
Live well and live free. :)
Have an ECG taken. I think you have just had a heart attack.
Oi! Please return my silver sandals! Seriously, you might not be lucky on the 4th time. Be strong and I wish you well.
E, like I told you, you didn't disappoint me. sorry i've also going through a lot of things right now but i am here, just a call away if you need me.
bong
for someone who was really high I'm detailed?-Nope, its just a summary...that's not the whole story, not even half of it...I just gave the gist..
For someone who Over dosed and almost died.yup, you remember everything...every fucking detail and feeling..It doesn't go away...Try to Over dose and then lets talk..i don't think you have any idea, as a matter of fact, I think your fucking clueless @ XTC
go back to God!Forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness,surrender everything to Him. Im a former junkie myself.makulay din ang pinagdaanan ko. will include you in my prayers.
One of the longest posts I've read but one that kept me reading on. I hope everything turns for the better. Keep the faith.
its not OD just a "heartburn"
oh shit..shit.. you keep me from working ahahaha... the suspense is killing me
great post.. as always
what a "web"page turner ur journal is..hahahaha
peace!
-fsantos
Hello E! I feel for you and see my personal journey through tough times, dilemmas and transformations to becoming who I am today. I've tried many things in the past that I'm not proud at all. I had countless sexual encounters, was pimped in the past, tried drugs and all --- things that I am still thinking whether to reveal to my family in my deathbed 50 years later (I decided to live a long healthy life after my transformation in spite of trying to commit suicide once.) or keep my memories clean and unscathed in the society.
I hope you don't mind me sharing a few things that I have learned. To control one's flesh is hard. A man's flesh is sinful.
To start any real change, stop making change as your goal. Begin with what kind of life you truly want and put it down on paper. Ask yourself, what kind of life will truly make you passionately happy. Visualize it clearly with joy in your heart. Feel it. Focus on it.
Our behavior is only a result of our beliefs. If you believe that you are good inside and know your true north, then, your behavior shall follow.
Beliefs and mindset are a product of what goes into your head. Start by reading good books and choosing wisely who you spend time with. There are a lot of great people with great minds and lives who are fun to be with. You can definitely learn from them.
Finally, our minds that control or dictate our bodies and behavior are also only a product not only what we read but greatly influenced by our spiritual maturity.
Spiritual maturity is not about doctrines. It's about allowing God's Spirit to work within us. It is about allowing God's words to work its wonders and magic in our life. It results in an inexplicable glow as one walks across any room. Magnetic and attractive.
Discipline is NOT about controlling self. It comes naturally once you know your higher purpose. Then, there will be no inner struggle.
I am now happy being able to help many people live better lives as a way of giving back to the world. All my past have equipped me with empathetic insights to help turn people's lives around. They have harnessed their own power --- the power of choice --- to direct their lives to achieving the life that God truly wants for all of us: Abundant and Happy!
Listen to your inner voice. WHAT ARE YOU ON EARTH FOR? You will know once you know what is that one thing that truly makes you passionately joyful.
Struggles will end once you are clearly aligned with who YOU TRULY ARE --- a magnificent creation for a greater purpose!
for someone who was really high I'm detailed?-Nope, its just a summary...that's not the whole story, not even half of it...I just gave the gist.. - your story is like a novel; gists are usually short-stories.
For someone who Over dosed and almost died.yup, you remember everything...every fucking detail and feeling..It doesn't go away...Try to Over dose and then lets talk..i don't think you have any idea, as a matter of fact, I think your fucking clueless @ XTC - this made my day! clueless? come one
Anonymous said...
its not OD just a "heartburn"
September 29, 2008 4:34 PM
- or probably costochondritis or panic attack
thanks max! :-) I hope it is :-) @ MAX
glad i made your day extra special...I'm sure your bursting with rainbow colors as you read it..I'm sure your you'll be hung over for months HAHAHAHA define "L" tattooed on the forehead and that's so you...if you don't get it, google it...;-) I'm sure I made your day again hehehehehe @XTC or anonymous
ikaw ang BV eh! binibigyan moko ng ideas for crashing! ayoko! i don't like it at all! hehehe
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